God has been working tremendously in my life the past few weeks... and I see myself rising to another level of faith and trust in Him.
I don't know how to place this entry, as coming to blog has come about pretty abruptly. I don't have a full story to tell, but I'm just going to testify of His work in my life. And maybe as I write the inspiration will just flow and bring about a full story - that usually happens. I don't really know what has happened until they get penned down.. and I'll be amazed at the journey God's taken me through!
Past and beyond the process of justification, He released me to the training grounds for sanctification. The Lord is a good God that has installed for me plans to prosper and not to harm me. As I endeavoured into things that took hold of me, took away my original focus and plans, I embarked on a journey that took me through dips and turns. The road and finishing line that was once marked out clearly seemed to fade away and questions that arose within - where is the finishing line? I can't see it.
That is the first step of diversion. Straying away from the perfect path, going through a trail and journey of dips and turns. Imagine with me this illustration.
You embark on a bushwalking hike up a mountain together with God. He had a perfect path, under the beautiful sunlight, marked out to reach the destination. Yet along the way, you see the little shaded mud trails that seem to promise some adventure beyond the forest and bushes. So out of curiousity, you stop by and think, "I might walk this trail and see where it'll lead me to? It seems to promise some fun!"
Yes, and you turn from your original sun lit path into the shaded mud trails. Yes, the shaded mud trails offer a tinge of excitment and the light from the original path still offered your vision a clear direction of where you are heading. As you continued, the light dimmed and the shades became darker and the path became muddier due to the lack of sunshine in the forest. But clinging on to the hope of excitment, you continue upon the path, not realising that the deeper in the forest you went, the darkness increased and the path no longer seemed to be very clear and straight.
Many a times, you reach a point in the mud trails that offered more than one direction that you could take. Maybe to the left, or to the right, or maybe across stones in a river, or climbing across a fallen tree trunk to another path. The forest was wide and there were so many choices you could make. Sometimes you would make a wrong decision, and injure yourself because of the path you took. You grow weary and tired and you question, "Why did I embark on this journey? What is the purpose of me in this mountain in the first place?"
In the midst of the struggles, you lose faith and direction. To a point where the cold, darkness, dangers and possibilites the forest offered no longer seemed enticing to you, but instead, weariness and purposeless emcompasses you. You thought the journey was going to be fun. But the journey took you into a series of ups and downs, dips and turns, many choices to make, unclear paths, slippery paths... too many options.
There you cry out in desperation, "I've had enough!! Take me back to the perfect path! Why did I sway from it? The path that was clear, warm and purposeful with the destination clearly marked out!" In the midst of your cry, the Lord heard you, and jumped right to where you were in the forest, and picked you RIGHT OUT of the dirt, darkness and cold, gave you a nice clean up, put new clothes and shoes on for you, and said, "My child, it's alright that you've walked away. I'm glad you called me, and we'll do this journey together again."
He didn't reprimand you. Neither did he forsake you. He went straight to us when you cried for Him. When you surrendered and knew you were weak and needed Him. You need the path He had planned for you, that you wouldn't get hurt in the muddy trails. He knew forehand that you wouldn't make those trails, that's why He never intended for you to be walking there. He knew far before, what was the best for you... and clearly marked out the direction and finishing line for you.
The perfect path in itself has its challenges that are meant for you... and they are some what adventurous and challenging enough, but you will have the light and the equipment He gives you for the journey.
If only you knew... you wouldn't have attempted the side trails... but ran hard towards the clearly marked finishing line with His equipping and light.
Now friends, now that we're done imagining...
That was almost somewhat the journey I have been through. A journey that led to total surrender, a journey of making a choice to walk His way, instead of mine.The initial struggles of not letting go of what I deemed I could do clogged my vision, like the shades of the trees that made me think there was something better beyond the beginnings of the muddy side trail.
The first step of disregarding the light I was in, thinking that I could still see and think clearly enabled me to step into the mud trail. But the moment I did that, I was no longer relying on His Spirit to guide me. I was relying on
my strength and that took hold of me to find out what was good for me, instead of what God knew was good for me.
As I ventured further, the darkness clouded my vision, and I couldn't make wise and clear decisions and judgment. I easily slipped because I stepped on mud, or slippery algae on the rocks along wet puddles.
"...Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. The man who walks in the dark does not know where he is going."
- John 12:35b
And the trail that seemed to start with one way seemed to become wider and offered many paths and choices that I could choose to go. But behind each path, there seemed to be difficulties after difficulties, set backs after set backs.
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it."
- Matthew 7:13
And the amount of hurt and injuries and disappointments, led me to realise how far I have swayed from my original purpose. There was no longer the joy in doing many things I used to enjoy. And the was also the loss of purpose that was once intended. Why was I on this mountain?
Prophecies after prophecies directed me back to the laying of foundations, running and finding the finishing line. Yes! The finishing line that had once been so clearly marked out for me, where was it! Definitely not beyond and behind the trails of this forest. The forest was taking me so far from my original purpose!
You know what, and I thought... oh no, now comes the part to surrender. Surrender, what? What have I clunged on so tightly that I could not even surrender? What was it in my life that I needed to surrender?
GOD, TELL ME!!
Day and night I cried out in desperation. God, tell me! Reveal to me yourself! If you're real, let me know!
Ok, friends. You may be puzzled. Oh, she's a Christian. How could she not know God is real in her life? That's why pastors, mentors and leaders keep telling us, "Do not backslide!" How many times can you find a backslided Christian who can testify of God's goodness in their life? Most of the time, you find them lamenting about life and how difficult it is. And when you tell them about God, they probably shun you and try not to listen. But it's not to say, it's impossible. It comes a lot of humility to say once again, "God, I've walked away. I want you back."
I'm sure you know the parable of the lost son. Do you know how much humility he had to clothe himself with to return home, and even with the thoughts of condemning himself to the likes of a hired servant.
"So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate."
- Luke 15:20-24
God's grace abounds so deeply, beyond that. He regards us as children. That we can call him Abba Father. Abba means Daddy. We call him, Daddy. He doesn't disqualify us for His Goodness. He doesn't, and He won't! No matter how much we fail Him.... He allows us to come back to Him.
Prior to my birthday, I prepared myself. What do I want this birthday?
What kind of present will mark my best 23rd birthday?
What kind of surprise should I receive?
What should I do to pamper myself?
Where can I go...?
What can I eat?
Have you realised... it's all about 'me'?
Yes... it was all about me.
But as the date drew closer... I realised,
all these things weren't so important after all! I realised, deep down inside, there was something I really wanted. And that was God's direction and tangibility in my life. On the day, I finally made my wish as a prayer.
God, please just come back close to me.
God, I just want you more in my life.
God had it all planned along. I now chuckled at the thought and look up and smile. My Abba Father's got something planned up His sleeve. And I knew He was the one chuckling and smiling when I made that wish or prayer.
A series of cleaning up happened. Oh, how I love and hate it when that happens. I love it, because God is cleaning me up! I hate it... cuz it hurts man... it hurts. But overall, I loved it.... not because of the pain... but because the pain is short, and the aftermath, is great.
Ye know, I surrendered so many things in life. And that really brought my focus back to God. All the meaningless distractions, things of the wrong timing and purposes of my own... placed into God's hand, being accountable to my shepherd, and just wanting to take the step to see things done and sealed. God set me free once again.
Giving Up Plastic Pearls... for the Promise of Real Pearls
I've stopped and given up writing the story which I had been writing for the past 3 years. It was so hard, because it was 3 years of my hard work, and it was almost done. I always looked forward to this story's publication... it would be my best product out of my 4 stories... But would it glorify God if I published it? Honestly, it would glorify myself more than it would glorify God. That'll reap pride and ambition in me... I didn't want that. I decided to give up what I believe was my best work... so that one day, God may do
HIS BEST in me.
I'm giving this up, not because God is a joy blower... not, God is good.... it's just, this story isn't doing ME any good in this walk with Him... and it's in fact, drawing me AWAY if I keep writing, as it has to involve a lot of emotional involvement in an author to write a story... and I wouldn't say that all that emotional involvement is actually God glorifying! The Bible talks about FLEEING from temptation!
So as much as I hate to, I've given that up. I've not given up writing, and I believe in God's timing He'll take this gift and make use of it when He knows it's time for me, and that I'm ready to. If He doesn't? He's got a better plan!
Goodbye Story - When South Meets West
Am I sad? I was.... I mean like..who wouldn't be. 3 years of my hard work... I cry at the thought of it. I hestitated at the action to accomplish the decision. But God's promises are all YES and AMEN. And His promises won't let go of me. Three years will be nothing when I look down maybe some what more than 3 years... 5 or 10 years later, and looking back... that fruit, will be a much greater blessing. Not only to me... but to God, His people and even the people around the world.
Mr. Right
Other thing... was also learning to trust God for some other 'things'... Hee hee.. Mr Right. Yes, I'm not ashamed to share this, but in this, may I be able to encourage other
young ladies like me through what the Lord has placed in my heart.
God, in His sovereignity, had used my wrong intentions to do good to me. And.... all I just wanna say, and I'll never forget how God drastically convicted me and changed my life.... His goodness prevails forever... and forever!! I won't say too much.... but the 2 stories I will share are, the story of Joseph and the story of David.
Now Joseph had been taken down to Egypt. Potiphar, an Egyptian who was one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard, bought him from the Ishmaelites who had taken him there. The LORD was with Joseph and he prospered, and he lived in the house of his Egyptian master. When his master saw that the LORD was with him and that the LORD gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned.
From the time he put him in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the LORD blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the LORD was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field. So he left in Joseph's care everything he had; with Joseph in charge, he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.
Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" And though she spoke to Joseph day after day, he refused to go to bed with her or even be with her.
One day he went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the household servants was inside. She caught him by his cloak and said, "Come to bed with me!" But he left his cloak in her hand and ran out of the house.
- Genesis 39:1-12
Joseph was a man who knew God's heart, and held on closely to His promises. And Joseph knew, the kind of calling God had upon His life. In circumstances as such, Joseph, being a handsome and well-built man, could easily give in to temptations. But the thing that kept him from doing so, is because He knew God had a better plan for him.
The same circumstances given to another man of God, King David, yet led to another outcome.
In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.
One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (She had purified herself from her uncleanness.) Then she went back home. The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, "I am pregnant."
- 2 Samuel 11:1-5
What was the difference between the two man? Both were God loving and both had a high calling. But Joseph had something that David missed out. Joseph knew that whatever God had for him was GOOD. And Joseph knew that whatever God had for him was meant for at a GOOD TIME that God will prosper and bless him.
Joseph knew, that there wasn't a need to TAKE SOMETHING into his own hand. Because at the appointed and right time, God will bless him. And what happens if we take something that doesn't belong to us?
Imagine with me.
A father bought the latest Wii game for his son and intended to give it to him on Christmas. Yes, let's just use this festive season since it's around the corner.
So, his son has been asking him for this present for awhile now, so being the loving father, he decides to get his son this Wii game for Christmas! But before Christmas, his son could not resist the temptation of having one of those games. So....
Couple of things could have happened here:
Scenario One.
He knew daddy bought one... so he went to daddy's cupboard and stole the game into his own hands, and played with it.
Before he knew it, he felt utterly disappointed with himself, and wished he hadn't done that. He felt condemn and afraid to face his father.
Scenario Two.
He resented daddy for not buying him one of those games when he asked for it. So he went to the shops and stole one. He got caught by authorities and got himself into trouble.
Scenario Three.
A combination and mixmatch of the above two scenarios..
See, a lot of things can happen when we decide to jump ahead of God's timing.When we jump ahead of God's timing and try to take hold of what does not yet belong to us, it is like taking hold of something to fulfil our desires, instead of awaiting the goodness and fullness God has intended for us!
There will be a right man. Not just
any man. In a sermon I listened to, this words touched my heart.
"...and only until we begin to see that, will we stop treating a man or woman like any object that we need to satisfy our emotional desires. But instead, will we regard the man or woman that God has intended to make us whole a person that God loves."
King David made the step of jumping ahead of God's timing, thus resulting a lot of negative outcomes that he wished never happened. On the other hand, Joseph held on firmly to God's timing, and trusted God for the good things in his life. And he was greatly blessed after that...
I want to be like Joseph you know... and I'm sure many of us would like to be too. But it's only by God's Grace that we can pick ourselves up, time after time... knowing we're sinful, yet abiding in His grace and love, to carry on this journey.
Like I mentioned earlier in my first illustration:
There you cry out in desperation, "I've had enough!! Take me back to the perfect path! Why did I sway from it? The path that was clear,warm and purposeful with the destination clearly marked out!" In the midst of your cry, the Lord heard you, and jumped right to where you were in the forest, and picked you RIGHT OUT of the dirt, darkness and cold, gave you a nice clean up, put new clothes and shoes on for you, and said, "My child, it's alright that you've walked away. I'm glad you called me, and we'll do this journey together again."
That's right. God will pick us RIGHT UP and OUT of the miry clay, and clean us with his waterfall of Grace. Under His waterfall of Grace and Love, that's where we can come to Him, just as we are, humble and bowing in simple adoration of what Jesus had done on the cross for us.
For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.
- Psalm 56:13
I never saw Grace the way I needed to. But Jesus showed me what grace really is... and God taught me that through my very own experience, that I can testify and call it Mine.
And in the Grace, to move on with His Spirit, to do GOOD WORKS that He has called us to...
God has taken me through a journey... and the prayer said on my birthday, was answered the moment I was ready for it.
Yes... my 23rd birthday wish - a daring wish and prayer.
No wonder Pastors always says, "You got to be careful when you make those kind of prayers!"
Yes... because God will answer them..! I love God.. He answered them... did a bit of cleaning in my life... but after that, it feels SO GOOD!
Though the prophetic presbytery is now over, and I wasn't one of the few being pointed out, I managed to walk out of the hole of resentment, but instead, to be joyful and thankful for all God has done... and in the midst of fasting and praying over the past week and a half, God had clearly revealed to me my heart condition... His Grace... and also the clear direction once again...
And just right after I woke up from my long afternoon nap today... I heard once again, His still, soft and gentle, loving voice, telling my... 'That's right my child. Rest, get some rest. From now, be focused and don't be easily distracted. Continue to discover your gifts and talents as you work in the field for me."
That's right... God can speak to me in many ways, not only through the prophets. And God has chosen His way. It's going to be really exciting as God told me... that He will lead me in this journey of discovering my passion and calling...
God loves and cares for me!!! And so does He for you!
And without intention... but really with intention.... lol... I'm just going to do something funny now.... from the words of Vanness: GO4GOD!! Yes, let's Go for God!!!
Will you keep me in your prayers..? Because I really need them... Thank you...! :)
