photos are at the end of this entry, if you're thinking about them...
Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:9-11
It's been a turbulent time that I've been going through for the past weeks and even with the swine flu virus floating around, I'm not sure if I do have the milder variant of the virus in me. Well, thank God I don't fall into the high risk categories, so if I have the virus, I probably am not showing as much symptoms as it should, and thank God there are no complications. Ok, I'm not saying it's the swine flu, but prolly even an influenza virus could cause as much harm.
I think this period of sickness has allowed God to once again speak into my life regarding many things. He's been re-aligning my heart back with Him and allowing me once again to see the dirt of my life that He wants to wash away. The process of cleansing never is difficult. It's like pouring salt water unto exposed wounds that stings right into the flesh. Have you ever experienced that?
One thing I've discovered about my God is He doesn't do things the way WE want it. He does things the way HE knows is best for us.
Washing a wound with salt water will ensure that infection won't occur, and it will also kill off any exisiting microbes. Similarly, I found God speaking to me in so many instances in my life the most when it stings. It hurts. It sears right through the heart where pride gets burnt away. That's what it's like when the passion and fire of the Lord comes.
But after that painful touch, the love remains. After the moment of stinging, the life begins.
Chinese doctors had a saying, "Bitter medicines cures the best". I guess it does hey.
Again in the shower today, God spoke to me regarding this. And I looked back 1 -2 weeks ago where I was crying out to the Lord, "Where are you? Whatever you do, create in me a clean heart O Lord and take not your Holy Spirit away from me."
And the Lord stretched forth and answered my prayer. I asked for a 'world breaking event' that the Lord would just appear and be so real I'd know it's Him. And He did. He didn't appear in a physical explosion. He appeared, and spoke to me so clearly, that it was Him.
God leaves impressions. He does! And His words never get forgotten.. nope, they don't. And even these incidents, remains forever in our hearts.
So what happened?
I won't drop in too much detail cuz it might just bored y'all... but just for keepsake..
I've been sick for the past 1 month and been almost at my breaking point. That's when I knew God wanted me to rest and re-align my heart and purposes with Him. But these were all just head knowledge that were not seeping into my heart. That wasn't working, with God just revealing to me.
During the Exponential Church Conference in June, God started off the conference by giving me a vision. He showed me a narrow neck flask with a wide base. And with that, I felt God tell me, "I'm going to take you through the bottle neck flask." And I asked God, "What do you mean?"
And then came the verses:
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it."
Matthew 7:13
And my response was, "Oh yea... God is going to rise me to the next level. Yay... challenges about to come."
And right after the conference, I penned down every thing the Lord revealed to me.. and somehow.. it floated away into history. But God's promises never become history.
God began His work and led me to a series of events. Somehow I forgot what He promised... (in fact I only recall this as I'm penning down! so this blog entry is coming out RAW!)
Yeah, God moved. And God was doing His refining work in me. I became overworked and with the viruses and weak health I had due to insufficient rest, the Lord revealed to me it was not by MIGHT nor by STRENGTH one uses when serving Him. I came to understand that, but it still was a head knowledge not a heart one.
Then the Lord began to reveal all and more things to me that it was over loading my mind and head. I knew all that God was doing but it just wouldn't register. And that was the point I was asking God, "God!! Whatever you want to tell me, help me to remember it!!"
And God answered again!
He sent my loving housemate over to my room and she SHOOK MY WORLD. When God moved, I didn't realise he was moving. Because, me being already frustrated with all that going on in my life, didn't need another person to come and tell me exactly what I have learnt and what God has already told me.
So we had a shout-around for awhile, and she left with just a couple words of love, "I'm not here to lecture you. I just had to come over because I hear you. I hear you in the middle of the night at 12am coughing. I hear your cough. I feel for you. I feel it..."
And in all that heat and love and I don't know what, she left.. must have felt really disappointed with my reaction and questioning what it was like to have wasted a trip coming over to talk to this housemate who didn't appreciate it.
Know what? I cried when she left my room. But that was the time I had my big major struggle with God for the whole night. God revealed to me even more things - pride, anger, unforgiveness. I struggled with God for a whole full day before coming back to Him and really releasing what was from my hands into His hands.
Finally, that relieve and comfort came once again, and I could sense His love and presence so tangibly once again. You know.. now looking back I'm sure God made Kuzi come to my room. She might not have wanted to... but God moved, and God answered and God will never walk away. Thanks Kuzi.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
Deut 31:6
Yes... all these verses, the Lord spoke to me in my shower (where God meets me the most!).
God is awesome! And His promises comes to pass and His love will never fail!! :)
God reigns and.. ok, God say I must rest... So, goodnight!!! I go sleep liao!
I was walking home from Coles one afternoon and this was what I saw in the sky. Oh, that's where I living by the way, the house with all the colourful flowers.
Elane and I drove down to Gold Coast just for Max Brener's one night... 1 hour drive! Ya.. one of the crazy stuff I did.. that caused me to end up sick! Hehehe.. But... look at the photos!
An African Restaurant we went in Moorooka. This Sudanese lady was so good she invited us to traditional Sudanese coffee and taught us how to brew coffee from fresh green coffee beans!
That's the yummy sour bread (enjera) with their dips, TASTES AWESOME!!!
A trip to Green Tea Garden with my 2 sheep and Elane the Fatima Instructor! Wahaha...
