Tasting the last bits of 2011

It's the last day of this grueling year of 2011. I'm seated at my desk, before what we call a 'laptop', with many thoughts. Should I attempt to write an entry in 45 minutes, so I can head off to explore Mt Ommaney Shopping Centre?

Yes, I guess I'll do that. So stay with me.

Dented Start

The year began like many years, with a BANG. A bang can imply what "Ris Low" depicts, "BOOMZ", or "SHINGZ". Maybe, a shingz in some way, maybe a boomz in another. Depends on how you see it.

For me, the year began with Wen Huey and her sisters chilling with me in my living room, watching the Taiwanese TV Drama "Stories of Time". It's funny how to this day, I still think of the drama every now and then. For me, that lodged deep in my heart something... for myself and a bond between Mum and Dad. :)

A week or two later, the Queensland floods hit us. I thank God for His protection upon me, and also for my many brothers and sisters, of whom some missed being in Toowoomba, and was protected from the massive disaster there. A few friends had their houses flooded, many lost their belongings.. a heart wrenching season for many, but at the same time, the community spirit in Queensland grew. We braved through it together.

In that same season, a life shaking experience happened for me. My faith was shaken due to a specific event. My tears ran dry and I didn't know how I could move on in life for awhile... but God held me during those times, and He was faithful in carrying me through... and also gave me hope. I miss my Double A sister. Can't wait till the day we meet again. "...we gon' make it!!"

Well, for me, the beginnings of 2011 painted a direction for me to achieve. And I called it a "Year of Faith". A journey of finding deeper faith in God, and knowing where I stood in this place.

The Year Progressing

The year moved really fast after the slow turmoil of January. I began this great journey of faith, as it seemed, God wasn't too slow to embark me on the process.

In terms of media and ministry, His faithfulness showed up. My brother gave me his DSLR so I could use it for filming. With God's guidance and inspiration, I completed my first film in my lifetime - Unmask. What came even better was my dream-come-true production of preparing a 'Movie Trailer'. That was a breakthrough in my ministry life.

The Unmask Short Film:


Later on in the year, I also attended a Filmaking & Directing course, and made a short film called "What Comes This Way".

Here's a poster I made for it. The film is still in post production... hoping to finish it soon!

Do you see my name in there? Hee hee.. Praise God for the wonderful experience.

Growth Through Uprooting

This year, my security in Christ grew massively. With many of my precious close sisters and brothers moving away from my life, it's like a spiritual uprooting of where I stood. Although physically I wasn't the one uprooted, it felt like my position in life was massively shaken. Who was I and where could I be? Who did I live for, and where was my hope and security? Those were the questions I found myself asking myself time and again. It felt like God was placing a new foundation for me, strengthening the core of my being, and I found myself at the cross many times surrendering it all to God again. At those points, I realised that God was my security, and He would never leave me nor forsake me.

And I thank God, that in the midst of all the shifting, sieving and shaking, I stood firm, and the friends I had, remained in touch. Though far away, deep in our hearts, there remains that connection, and blood of Christ that has bounded us together.

Character Development through Pruning

This year God dealt massively with my character. I had different events rock up in my life - pastoral, ministry, work or even friendship related. Situations that I was too incapable to handle, or peer pressure to do or say the wrong things at times. Or even at times the few encounters of being misunderstood and accused for something I did not do. All part and parcel of what we go through in life. I found myself in rage at times, startled by how angry I could get. I knew I was emotional, but in terms of anger, I never knew how dangerous I could become. Yet it all pointed to one thing, my imperfectness, and where my securities laid. Through these series of events, God indeed embarked me on some painful pruning!

Pruning ain't fun at all! But you know, as a gardener myself, I know that pruning causes more fruit production, and healthier plants. So as the Chief Gardener, God cut off pieces of me that rotted, and snipped of my impurities. He gave me constant health checks and starved some of my bad habits to death. He purified me through the cleansing from His Word, and convicted my actions and speech, and even helped me made right choices regarding the movies I watched and the music I listened to.

Through encouraging friends and honest brothers and sisters, I was constantly slammed with reflective modes and struggles in my action intentions. I thank God for helping me go through what I've done and said at times, and for His endless mercy and grace that fell abundantly over me. I grew in humility, and learnt how to say sorry and sometimes, do the right thing.

Am I perfect yet? No way... but with honesty and nakedness before the Lord, I am able to embrace my weaknesses and bring them before God, who would then help me be transformed by the cleansing power of His Spirit and Word.

To my friends out there who strive to grow in God, don't be afraid to be who you really are. We can't make it through by just doing what seems right, or doing good hypocritically, if we don't have a change in our heart. Allow ourselves to reveal before God who we really are, then He can change and transform us, that we may stand before Him pure and honest, yet covered by His Grace and Love... walking in Grace. :)

Learning to Live

It used to be all about ministry and legalistic routines. But one thing I learnt this year was to learn how to live this life God has given me. His love for me extends to the point where I am allowed to enjoy the beauty of this world He made!

This year, I traveled and chilled lots. One thing on my bucket list - to travel to Ayers Rock. I did it!! And even more so, I climbed the Kings Canyon and conquered the Valley of Winds at Kata Juta. Breath taking experiences... beauty of God and His Creations... My soul was refreshed and my eyes are opened.
I built great friendships through coffee, chilling, hiking.. and just doing things together with many ones.

Thank God for the friends He's put in my life... whao, too much for me to write in just one day. But... again, pictures tell a thousand words. Great places... great friendships. (not in chronological order - just too difficult with blogger.)

 

 

Turning 25th

Mum came and spent my 25th birthday with me in Australia. On the day, we went to Tasmania. I had an awesome time... she did too. Pictures, tell a thousand words. :)

I've come to embrace the fact that I'm a quarter of a century years old. To many, it seems like a quarter life crisis. Sometimes I feel like that too. But each time I'm reminded of how God picked me from the falling pit to where I am today.. Five years ago, I touched down in Brisbane, not knowing how much my life would change. Four years ago, God touched my heart and saved me.

Amazing Grace.. how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see. My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God my Savior, has ransomed me. And like a flood, His mercy rains. Unending love, amazing Grace...

I had almost half a day chatting with a brother recently... laughing at who we were five years ago, and who we've become today. It's just amazing, the transformation power of God and His work. Our God is faithful, though we may not see it at one point in time or another, we know He never stopped working for the good of those who love Him. My life, just in the past 5 years, has already shouted how great God is. I don't know what the next few years would entail, but definitely something good.

And as I walk to the last day of 2011. It's amazing... what God told me four years ago. Tomorrow, I walk once again in close proximity with the Lord, I will wait for you.

It's been definitely a year of Faith for me. And I made it through. Job changes, life changes, ministry changes, friends changes.... many more things to believe for. But God saw me through.. I'm still in Brisbane, working.. and growing. What's next? I'm not sure, but definitely something Good.

So, it's almost 45 minutes. I'm about to end my entry.
I'll be counting down to the start of 2012 tonight... I can't wait.

For my family, I miss you.. May God bless you all greatly... Mum, Dad, Sis and Bro, all my aunties, my uncles... cousins... Grandma... extended relatives that I may have met once or twice in my life time... so many of you, may God bless you, and I pray for the day we can together all worship the Great Almighty God who loves us and blesses us endlessly.

"I will wait for you" + Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas y'all!

A day of joy for the world, because Jesus was born to the world, a Saviour and King.

Had lots of party... and food, gave some presents, some good some poor... and dodgy.. *sweet potato*, haha... but well, in the midst of this all, God is the best Gift Giver of all.



---- ---- Merry Christmas ---- ----

"I will wait for you"

Here's another cool video. Talks about "I will wait for you". Speaks the heart of so many ladies nowadays..

Me included. Hee...

Check it out!  For all y'all ladies who desire a true companionship.... and for y'all gentlemen... too. :)
Enjoy:


(I put the subtitles in there.. so it makes it easy for y'all to see!)

So much truth.. and fun. :)

Saying "Sorry".

Us imperfect people always kinda want things our way...
Or when situations happens, immediately victimise ourselves, and make it dramatic.

Maybe, things ain't that bad..
Look beyond ourselves... ah, maybe someone else is the victim in the case.
Love, goes beyond what we feel...

Whatever the case.. I learnt again, to say 'sorry' and put others first... yesterday.

This year, one thing I found in my growth... the ability to say 'sorry', in humility. God teaches more than just once, so we get it.

Another breakthrough. :)

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.

And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim.

In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Heart Warmers + heart mirrors.

I chanced upon a nice video... two years apart, and they warmed my heart.

In 2008:

I love the part at 0:49.... so sweet.

In 2010:


Beautiful friendship... and it's so cute.

December finds its way speeding past my life. I woke up to a realisation that this year has gone by like the wind. A difficult gruel start to the year, I reflected upon re-visiting the entries of January and Feb. Whao...

A deepening of my faith..
Strengthening of my security in God..
Finding Jesus as the Lover of my Soul..
Holding on to love without building walls despite getting hurt...

That so reminds me of a testimony I heard today at Church. This girl went through a time of loving a friend who misunderstood her, and even hated her. Through that she persevered at loving her, but time and time again got hurt so badly. Eventually, she managed to keep drawing strength from God in loving her, and not allow walls to be build from the negativity she was receiving all around her.

Beautiful testimony...
That's the kind of love Jesus had... and even more so, extending love to one's enemies... not easy, but do-able, and achievable.

Well, I sit here looking at the time, past bed time again.... a chilly night, and a long weekend I've had... kind of sending a tickle down my nasal pharyngeal canal, I'm falling sick? Ah... please, not!
I've learnt to take care of myself more this year, learning to find both spiritual and physical rest in God this year, loving the body God has given me, and honouring this temple of the Holy Spirit.

So, sleep time it shall be. Probably two echinacea pills might help. Ah, and lots of water.

Kingdom Princess-meter:

A bittersweet heart felt uprising within hearing the update of once whom was close but now far away. Could things have been better? Probably not. An unruly and incommunicable attitude did no help to a situation. Not even so to speak about personal space... the case shall pass and fade away. For now, may the love of God heal hearts... broken and fearful hearts once again. 

The next step would be critical. A stage and season right now that seems placid, dry or at times shaky. But the princess sits and rests upon the Kings heart, feasting on the Love that runs so freely.

As for matters of the heart... she decides to put them on the shelf. A decision that requires coupling with actions, which at times creates one of the most difficult tests. Not building walls, but instead guarding her heart within the confines of a secure pair of hands.. the hands of the King, who would choose the time and protector worthy to carry and own it.

No whys, no how... no when. God makes all things beautiful in His time.

Praising God in the Prophetic

Through my season of "Question & Answers" with God... I've been blessed.
Though I can't see clearly in the mist at times, I know where I'm headed, and learning to trust God with each step.

When I was a young baby Christian, following God was easy. Learning His ways were fresh, and exciting. But finding balance as a Kingdom Warrior, and as a physical citizen of the world, is tough. I used to raise my hands up in the air, and proclaim all that I could do and would do for Jesus.

Somewhere I read once... If we pray to be an eagle, we got to undergo 'eagle training'. Don't pray to be an eagle and choose to live the life of a chicken. Ah.. not easy.

But one thing I know for sure, no matter how tough it gets, I can't let go of Jesus. He's addictive cuz He's good. Talk about drug addicts who may think heroin or smoking trees feel great. I heard my colleague tell me about this Christian she met on the plane last night, a once drug addict, now life turned a 180 degrees because he met God. And now he's helping other drug addicts overcome their addiction, and coming to know God. Whao.

Indeed, Jesus is the best addiction one can have. Haha..

This night I watched a sermon at Mavuno again. Here's my snippet of inspiration I posted on Facebook. Yeah, true enough, it'll get pushed down by newer 'feeds' soon, but what's on my blog is like my journey.

She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, " This time I will praise the Lord." So she named him Judah. Genesis 29:35a

'The Judah moment' - Leah's position of praise was prophetic because it did not speak into the 'now' but into the 'future'. A moment of praise that God would pick up and turn around your world and circumstances. Regardless of the outcome in the physical, the lesson for me is that I can praise God in the prophetic. God turned the story around for the 'rejected' woman, and Jesus is called the Lion of the Tribe of Judah. - Ps Kyama Mugambi

It's a great encouragement for me... Though I may not clearly see what the future holds exactly, I can choose to praise God for He's promised goodness to me. He will never leave nor forsake me. We won't fully understand God's timing and the way He works, but all I know is He works for the good of those who loves Him.

I could use a punching bag right now

I want to stay on the mountain top with Jesus, to commune, be healed and filled in His Presence. Away from the world, dangers, hurts and problems, worship and erect an altar at the Transfiguration. 

But Jesus said no I can't and told me go back down. His light is still dim in the parts of the world some can't be found. I can't just sit back, cross my arms, chill and look around. Though it's great to have my heart pound when I hear His clear sweet sound.

So I'm back down in this world, at times it feels like I never left. I kinda feel what Jesus went through, maybe just a tenth of it. I can never compare my little hurts to those He went through. And in the midst of this all it's like I know I'm not perfect which makes it harder. It wasn't easy for Jesus who was perfect, spotless and without sin.

And so for me a mere human trying to live out God's ways... in my own humane strength, that's close to destruction. But I walk in His Grace and am strengthened cuz His love for me gives me confidence and courage to take each step. So here I am, imperfect, but willing to try.. learning to be a better me, learning to be a better disciple, discovering who I am, and learning who I should be.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of the deep verses in one of the songs by Jin. I highlight the lines in red that so reflect what I feel this very moment.

I see what’s going on in the world it’s so depressin’
I shouldn’t be though cause hope can help cope with the stressin’
I still can’t help but wonder how things are gonna be
I was once told to be the change I wanna see
it makes perfect sense I’m up for the challenge
now I realize how hard it is to find balance
as a person there’s no calculation
can’t recall the last time I did a self evaluation
in my mind is where I usually find that I promise
to make a change but nows the time to be brutally honest
yeah on a scale of one to ten
before I give myself a score I’d have to think again
all in all take a moment just to pause
instead of just the good I’m tryin’ to focus on my flaws
keep an eye out for any foul play like a referee
at the end of the day just tryin’ to be a better me

Giving up His life for His friends... but they ran away and disowned him. He brought the truth to them.. but they found all ways to accuse Him. He saved and fixed their problems, turning water into wine. Yet they never appreciated Him enough.. He lived up to love those who are broken hearted.. and bridge the gap between the weak and the strong, but one side would always be weary of Him and His intentions.

The widow at the well held her guard from Him.
The Martha who served Him wholeheartedly had something to say against Him when her sister was sitting by His feet.
The disciple that followed Him the whole time but betrayed Him for money.
The other disciple that claimed he would do all for Him, denied Him and pretended he never knew Jesus.
Pontius Pilate who knew He was innocent, but gave Him over to cruxification due to pressure.

Anyway, bottom line... He loved but was left all alone by those He loved. That lonely place is really hard to be in. In a place where you do certain things and people don't understand yet malign you or hurt you even more. A place where as a disciple or follower of Christ, would one consider a privilege to be in. Whatever the case, my Lord went through it. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I'm fighting this rat race. Fighting the good vs evil. Fighting the right vs wrong. Learning to die to myself so that Christ may live through me.

A work in progress.. A journey ahead that sometimes taking another step can be painful. Jesus walked it, and finished the journey.

Will I?

Will we?

Run the race with me friends. Don't leave nobody behind... don't give up. It's hard, but we'll make it through!

Reflections

How easy it is to be unaware of the creepy crawlies that enter our hearts! It lurks at our doorsteps, gotta be aware. Be not afraid to discover sin in our hearts, rather, be afraid of being oblivious and sinning without knowing.
Identifying our sinful nature allows us to yield to God's Grace and redemption in our lives, and in humility righting the wrongs by obeying His ways and His voice in our lives.

It is like a daily surrender to yield our hearts to God, being alert cuz the enemy prowls around waiting to devour us.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
- 1 Peter 5:8 (NIV)

I've been bitten a couple of times by this roaring lion. But it never takes too long to snap to senses and dash straight in the other direction once realising it, and obeying God's voice.

I can always follow the blame game that Eve did back in the Garden of Eden... "Oh, it's someone else fault... that's why I did this, or that."

We all have a responsibility for our actions...! Can't blame no one else.

So... one more lesson learned to today... What did I learn? To be sensitive to God. To not be easily influenced by the ways of the world and the bitterness around me. To be secure in God. And to be humble to right the wrongs, and commit situations to God.

Alright... now that I feel much better 'penning' this down..

I just want to share a cake I made 2 days ago for Wenhuey's bday. I prayed before I started, because I never made this before... and it's a miracle cuz God showed up, and in the last minute I found out the recipe to do this!!

Winnie the Pooh Oreo Cheese Cake

Yum...

Night.

Vibrant Church Conference Promo Video

My new piece of work.. done within a very short time.. heaps of time constraints.

God still enabled me to pull through it. Lots of miracle moments, and coordinate lock-ins.

Many watched and asked, "Did you make it Shannon? We can see your style in it."



Now thinking... noticing my 'style', is it good or bad? Hm... does it mean, it's time to upgrade and learn new skills.. yes I guess so.

But then again, Atieno once told me, make something your style and it will be recognised straight away - in a good way.

Whatever the case, God be above all these...

Direction and many other things... I'm praying for......
I really miss home.

Turning a Quarter of a Century

This was my last two weeks. Mama came and celebrated my 25th birthday with me. We had lots of fun, in Brisbane and Hobart.

I was homesick before she came. Am so refreshed! Missing her already, but I'm still happy for all the good time spent!

Now... I'm back to 'work' again...!

Next time home, Chinese New Year!
Can't wait.

Where from and where to?

Lately there are so many thoughts in my mind. I feel like time and time again I'm back on the same spot, looking at what I lost, or being so sensitive cuz my security was placed upon humans again. Every time things become better, I feel happy for awhile. But the slightest disappointment from man, can cause me to relive every moment of hurt once again.

I live my life not conceited. I live my life for Jesus. Yet the world loves to find accusations against my intentions. I find myself at a point where I don't seek to explain anymore about the way I do things, or the reason why things happen. I love because I want to. I hurt, because I'm affected. My heart breaks, seeing the carnality of my surroundings and myself taken to a glorious state, instead of the Light of the Lord shining above all.

They say, a person who's heart is sick, tends to soon fall into sickness. Indeed, I've succumb to unknown forces of pressure that has affected me so much, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. I'm once again down with the flu bug. :( But this time, I have to press on and battle it, because I had heaps of work to do...

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. - Proverbs 13:12

I'm praying for hope to arise more within me. Maybe I've lost hope somehow down the road through a turn of events. I have lost sight of the Giver of Hope... the faithfulness of my Giver of Hope. Though I've been broken, and wrestling, God's been so faithful and in His still small voice calls out to me, "I won't let go of you."

I love Him. I love God.

Here's my inspired song... written in this very moment.

Where did these feelings come about
Feels like I'm running the circles route
Head's up in the clouds, inside tryna' doubt
Need navigation and peace to fill me throughout
Where have I come from and where am I heading
These thoughts battle within and it's bothering
me, to find a place where I can feel secure
Knowing deep down inside that my heart needs a cure
for the hurts that's scarred the precious heart of mine
each minute I look away feels like I'm losing time
it's either I keep searching or hitting these road blocks
or seek the Healer Giver who turn the hands of clocks

I know You're calling me to draw closer to you
These events in my life ain't just a coincidence for fools
You want my heart softened so you can use me as a tool
but most of all to have me close to you so I'll be full
no longer seeking left or right or strive to start a fight
with my inner soul desires battling against the light
if I let go and let You drive the wheel of my life
I know I'll be safe, trust you and let go of the strife
to know I'm loved even when I fail to do my best
cuz Your Grace sustains me when I up against the tests
especially when trials and hardships add the load upon my neck
I will lay them down and relieve the load cuz You've got my back

You Are The Reason

As more and more artists begin to open their spiritual eyes to see the Grace of God in their lives... they begin to churn out music that so reflects God's work in their lives.

Songs written that comes in plain nakedness in acknowledgment of our own carnal nature and our weak ways... and songs that so sings the heart beat of many Christians, the attempt of reaching out to God.

God is so perfect... we aim and strive so much to be like Him... and be Holy, but we eventually realise it's His Grace that sees us through... and faith that we develop as we take small steps in obedience.
Ouch... to see individuals serve God and seek God in their own strength... that really hurts. But on the other hand, seeing individuals understanding that He loves us no matter what, and that we can come to Him anytime, and He would throw His arms around our dirty bodies... that's really touching.

So this song... a new rapper that Jin recommended on his blog... whao, amazing... touched my heart the moment I opened the youtube link.

May this song bless you... (it's not a heavy rap song... really nice and gentle to the ears.. enjoy.)



And so.. I wrote the lyrics out too!!

You are the Reason

Chorus

Teach us to love

Because we are searching for the son

You are the reason

Though our world has come undone

Don’t hide away

You are the reason we are here

We need You with us

And to guide us again without  fear, you are the reason…

Verse 1

Everything I am I try to live my life for You

I want to glorify myself so now I’m all confused

Do I need your help, and do I need a saviour

I try to read Your word but I push if off for later

I never try to talk about You but I want Your help

I don’t pray about Your glory I just pray for wealth

I just pray for health, and I just pray for me

But I never really thought about it carefully

I tell myself I’m righteous, I’m on the only path

To make a solid living, but is it worth my past

I never thought that I could take control of things I do

But every time I did it always led me back to You

You feel so far away, I need You close to me

I can’t remember the last time that You spoke with me

I need You here right now, because I need a home

I need a reason for my life because I’m all alone

Verse 2

The reason You were beaten down was because of me

And every time I think about it You’re my company

But every time I say Your name they all make fun of me

Like do I really need Your Presence right in front of me?

I live my life conceded, no room for me and Jesus

Who cares if I succeeded, who cares if I repeated?

It’s not about my life, it’s not about my lines

It’s all about the Saviour, ‘cuz He was crucified

I never thought about it, but You’re my everything

And You will be there when I give my girl her wedding ring

And You will be there when I’m crying every tear I have

And You were with me when they came and took away my dad

You were with me when I moved into this basement

I forot about my past and the pain You just erased it

You’re the only one that I can believe in

And thanks to Your love my life has a reason

 Ending

 Looking through the eyes of love

You know the world may seem a better place

And yet the moment that you realise

There’s so much pain before your very eyes

Reminder

Today I was reminded again... of January. 

Jan01: Signed up for a Faith 2011 Package with God!
Jan02: I just wanna be the friend who can relate to Jesus, especially in times where it seems like everyone else ain't flipping the pages.
Jan05: Faith lesson began. Troubles but God sent E-Word to me: 'Because God is in control, we have nothing to fear'.Whao..
Jan08: Worshipping God in the morning is so refreshing.. "I'll add unto your portion, but you won't carry it by yourself.. the Spirit will carry it." My role is to remain in Him and walk by the Spirit.

Jan18 - I wrote a blog entry:

2011 will be a deep journey of faith. Faith is more than what we know. Faith is totally letting go, and let God be in control, trusting Him no matter what happens.

What is this year for me? I don't know. But I know God is in control.

A shaking off of loose bits that I don't need to take to heaven with me.
A tightening of what matters to God, the filling of oil in my lamps.
A holding on to Him so much tighter than before, because the time is drawer near.
Finding peace and knowing Him, day and night.

To run when necessary, to rest when necessary.
To fight when called, to retreat when commanded.
To let lose of my reigns, and trust that I will not fall off cuz God's holding on to me.

Right now

I'm facing what seems like a tall and high wall before me. Am I supposed to jump over it?
Remaining stagnant for the moment, and re-thinking.
If this was a journey and I've been going from somewhere to a destination, then that means I have not really been moving for the past 1 week.
And so what have I been doing? Re-thinking.
And in my re-thinking, I found once again the reason why I'm on this journey.
Feels like, a check point to refuel and re-think. Probably erect an altar and worship the Lord here.
This tall wall ahead of me, only the Lord can help cross.

My desires laid bare. My weakness revealed.
His grace fills. His strength empowers.

The head vs heart knowledge, and the faith and deeds struggle.

I give my all to You

Send me and I will go for You

To the ends of the earth

I'll follow after You

I want the world to know

Your love endures forever

Tell me and I will obey

This is far greater than sacrifice

Trusting You and not myself

Will always lead to blessing

Lord have your way in me

Not my will Yours be done

Here I stand within Your Presence longing for Your touch

A thousand days cannot compare to one day in Your courts

Hold me now and never ever let me go

My Jesus, my precious Saviour

I'm forever Yours

This song... reminded me about the heart I offered to Jesus about 3 and half years ago. Have I regretted it?
Thinking through... no. This is my life and the way I have decided to live my life.

I had a vision of what Heaven was going to be like... what the new Earth was going to be like when Jesus returns and makes everything right.

What suffering right now, will be made perfect in His time.

But there are things I'm praying for that will be loosen, and things that will be bound right now, so it will be in Heaven too.

The journey continues...

Refreshed

Had a physically exhausting week.. but a spiritually refreshing week.

Drawing closer to God... gaining new perspective in life.
Hearing from my homegirl Atieno..
Catching up with Yen Mii who's in a similar walk with me..

Being more fertile for God's word..

Visited Hillsongs Brisbane today (Friday).

Very blessed.. Yet also, my heart is dug deeper... my convictions grow...

As I parked my car in the driveway... I turned my engine off and buried my head in my hands - smacked upon the steering wheel... once again baring my heart with this heart cry once again:

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like You have loved me..

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause

As I walk from earth into eternity

Season Update + Travels

Season Update?

This season has not been easy at all..

In the midst of many happenings, God's been moulding my heart towards Him.. and righting the wrongs within. I do question why I'm in this place - but I know that God is working for my good. No pruning process is fun... but this process is bittersweet.

Tears have fallen as liquid prayers more than I can hold back..
Questions hitting heavens as I press on in prayer.

I feel like running away, to a land where no one knows me. But running away isn't going to solve any root issues. I asked, can I just be a normal member in another church? The answer is, yes - maybe for half a year or so... but I realise I won't be, for eventually my heart will respond to God once again.

I've been told from the beginning.. the promises, the visions and the hardships to come. Yet, it's a rewarding process, filled with breakthroughs one after another. Right now, wrung as dry as can be, I find myself again at a place of brokenness and of a contrite heart. Not the best place to be in... but here, my eyes returned fix unto God.

The ultimate fulfillment one can have in life, at least to speak for myself, is to be in a close knitted relationship with God. But so many self-willed desires draws us from Him. And my prayer each day is to be closer...

They say the prayers we prayed yesterday makes us who we are today. To be honest, I now quiver at the thought of telling God 'here I am, send me'. But... the physical cannot restrain the spirit within. This pruning process will see a victory soon.

The Lord told me this year will be a Journey of Faith. Indeed it has been. But not one that moves mountains. But one that develops the seeds of faith - to love, to sacrifice, to trust, to endure, to believe, to obey, to look foolish, to be hurt, to be misunderstood, to be isolated, to lose a friend and to lay my burdens down.

That all these may require faith, that in His right timing, God will raise what was lost back again, heal broken relationships, vindicate, reinstate and pour forth His blessings... in His time.

And even in the event that I might not see certain things come to pass, I will still persevere, in knowing that I am looking forward to a country not of this world.

"All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking fo the country they had left, they would have opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country - a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them." - Hebrews 11:13-16 (NIV)

A broken and contrite heart He does not despise. Through this I know God really loves me... though things may be hard and through the naked eye it may seem like a horrible place to be in, but through my many previous experiences, I know God completes the work He chooses to begin. Sometimes, to fix a patch in garden requires digging every inch of the whole garden. Well, the Chief Constructor or Gardener knows what's best for us.

Believing breakthrough will come soon. Breaking this current vessel so that more can be encompassed. Praying for stronger foundations, purer heart and closer intimacy with the Creator.

Travels

In my travels, I managed to do some amazing things and meet amazing people. Photos speak a thousand words... of my travels blessed from heaven above.

Uluru - Ayers Rock. Beautiful shadow cast over the rock.

At the cliff edge of Kings Canyon.

Jack, the camel I rode. 38 years old.

Enjoying the wonder of Uluru.

My trip to Melbourne and short holiday with Mam Da Sao @Mt Dandenong!

Da Ge....! He willingly held this up!

My One Desire

In the midst of the chaos, I called and the Lord answered. And deep within, something moved. This song - I thank the Lord. May this be my heart cry.

One Desire

You gave it all for me
My soul desire, my everything
All I am is devoted to You
How could I fail to see
You are the love that rescued me
And all I am is devoted to You

And oh, how could I not be moved
Lord here with You
So have Your way in me
Cause Lord there is just one thing
And that I will seek

This is my cry, My one desire
Just to be where You are Lord
Now and forever
It's more than a song, it's my one desire
Just to be with You, to be with You, Jesus

Inspirational

King David wrote some of the best music and poems in tough times.

Looking back at my facebook statuses, I'm amazed by what I churned out over the past few days. Indeed it has been a quick week that has flown by. Some times, it feels like gear 1, but at times gear 5. I'm getting the momentum of this ride with God now... but I'm still learning more. This magic carpet ride with God is getting more and more exciting!

But anyway... just for memory and keepsake, I've decided to just copy and paste my past two facebook status updates here. Cuz... to be honest, I think they're pretty cool and inspirational...! :)

16th June, midnight:
Preservering yet it feels like Gethsemane... Sheer vulnerability. A scapegoat, doormat, broken and poured out, hurt and misunderstood. Did the King mean to love sacrificially? Yet being hurt in the process. He understood, went through and now comforts because He understands...

17th June, midnight:
The guns fired and She finally realised. It's not an illusion but She did fire in accuracy and precision. The King was not delayed in fulfilling the promise. She saw the clouds dissipate, and clarity revealed. Now She pivots and makes a directional change. Her eyes and heart are on the field, where the King is calling Her to. As for the rest, She trusts and know the King has His time. :)

I've booked my flights to Melbourne, and then to Uluru. 10 days of holidays after my last day at work. Time to rewind, relax and find inspiration.
 
My personal short term ministry faith goals for the next half of 2011:
 
1) Purchase a good condenser microphone, pistol grip, and boom pole.
2) Improve after effects video animation skills
3) Make 2 short films/documentaries.
 
As the Lord guides... :)

The clouds are dissipating slowly..

It's 12am! Today is my beloved cousin's bday. We're the same age and she's hit a quarter her life!  Happy birthday Ah Ying! I'll join you in a quarter soon.. haha.

On a side note...

I'm beginning to see more and receive confirmation through a series of events that occurred.

Last month, a prophetic word was given onto me in 2 parts.
The first part had been coming true so many times, and I've been astonished and amazed at what God is doing. Yet on the sidenote, the second part instructed focus and waiting on God's timing.

Last week, the prophetic word continued with a part 3 and 4, and I'm surprised. There's beginning to be so much clarity now... I thought the word would just end with 1 and 2, but I'm now quite excited to see what is coming forth.

At least, I refuse now to waddle in self-pity, but instead to claim the victory and promises God has for me... the moaning and groaning and whinging can go.. I've given the enemy too much attention. Things happened and it does hurt me. But now I begin to see the picture being painted, and know that God who has spoken this into motion beforehand will carry it unto completion.

I thank God for the friends who has stood by and understood through this season. It's not exactly been easy, but God has put the wise around me to guide me.

So today I decided to do something really therapeutic.. cooking my favourite Teochew braised duck. This Teochew braised duck means a lot to me.. the recipe and the significance in my life. Anyone in my family who thinks of my favourite food will link it to this duck.. and it's never the same bought from outside. The best will always be mum's duck, and grandma's duck. :)  Hope I master this duck well... and pass it on to my future generations too!!!

Anyway.. here's the duck. Enjoy... looking! haha.... goodnight!

Looking towards Heaven

The more I care... the more I get hurt.

The some things I might do, if I could turn back the hands of time.

Choose not to say something that I shouldn't say.
Say something I should have said.
Stay out of a specific matter.
Be there for somebody.
Be wiser with my words.
Be more of a giver than receiver.
Be more supportive than discouraging.
Be somewhere else at a specific time.

But if the hands of time turned back, I would still have made the same mistakes, and done the same thing.

I don't know the future and may not always take the best action, or say the best thing. I'm trying to be better but at times it seems to go the other way. I try to go the extra mile for a friend, but fail to be a good friend at the end. I try to see the need, but overlook the pressing need. I try to be a blessing to another, but hurt another in the process. I try to be giving, but in turn became selfish. I try to say the right words, but in turn hurt someone.  I try to do something, but in turn was classified a meddler. I try to pursue my dreams, but in turn compromise being there to support a friend's dream.

So many things I try, to make the world a better place. But I've carried a huge load upon myself, and it's weighing me down. I am trying, but am still an imperfect person, slowly improving and become a better person God wants me to be.

I want to be a blessing.
But at times I feel crushed.

The Bible says - we're hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Yes, it's not the easiest thing to live for Christ. A friend shared reccently about her experience about being 'nice' after knowing Christ. I personally understand from my own walk as well.

In the past, being there for a friend, being nice, seemed to be a 'good deed' effort... and it seemed so easy to be a nice person. But ever since God began His work in my heart to love from the heart, and love with His grace and love... not to judge but to love... and to give without expecting in return, it all changed for me.

I find myself now constantly in a vulnerable place. Loving from my heart, and trying still, to be there for those whom I care for. But loving from the heart means opening myself up to deeper vulnerability. To expect being hurt by people's responses becomes a normal thing.

I find myself lowering to a deeper humility, to say 'sorry', or go out and do something and not get a response I want. But a friend taught me recently, if you are learning to give, then give without expecting in return. Easy theory I have known for a while... but never did I know, that includes expecting some reaction from the receiver.

God is moulding my character.

I'm sorry to everyone whom I might have hurt along the way as God moulds me. I'm sorry if I've been selfish and prideful. But please don't judge me based on yesterday, today, or tomorrow. God is a God of second chances... and each time I'm given another chance, I hope I did better.

I'm trying to be better, not just cuz I want to please people... to be honest, the reason is cuz the world is already a hard enough place, and I just want to be a blessing. I hate strife, and really love it when people around me are just united and happy. And the other reason - God has not given up on me despite my weaknesses, and He still loves me. So I'm not taking His love for me for granted... but I really wanna be a better person for God, a better ambassador for God.

Jesus loved us and died for us... and back then, He died a lonely and painful death... and the people hated Him, and it must have been really hard, to be killed and hated and wronged by the people you love.

I prayed that I can understand God's heart beat. And He allowed many things to happen in my life. And through these, I understand how much I can love someone, yet be hurt and wronged, yet persevering in the love that Jesus command us to. Of course, the love I give is no where near the perfect love that Jesus gives.

So in trying to love, I've been hurt again. But, each time I'll become stronger, for the treasure is building up in this jar of clay, and that's me.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

In a developed country, people have every thing. But yet the hole in our hearts crave and yearn the filling of what only God can give. The true security and acceptance. I need that.

I look to my brothers and sisters in the developing or third world countries. They may not have every material possession they need or want, but the smile on their face each time they praise and worship God, and their living testimonies about how great God is in their lives, thoroughly reflects their security in God, the Provider of their lives.

No doubt, a lot of my problems and emotions are caused by my insecurities. And I'm praying that I may only allow God to fill that space in my heart. Pray with me friends... thank you.

Business Unusual

40:00min onwards for the sermon. Deep message - watch if you can - you won't regret.


05 Business Unusual (Wired For Greatness) from Mavuno Church on Vimeo.

Starting small

Freddie short films always cheer me up. And here's what he's got to say.



Just a quick snippet for the day! :)

Underage Short Film

I sometimes wallow in self-pity and over-magnify my own minute state of life... yet forgetting my security is found in Christ. And in times like this... God does bring me gentle reminders. And at the same time, encourage me through His faithfulness, that I have a friend like Him. This season hasn't been most easy, neither has it been too difficult. But all things work for God and He uses all things.

I've been sick at home for the past 3 days... hasn't been an easy 3 days as well. See.. I had to be near a toilet all the time. Haha... But I thank God for rest, and even friends who rang up and drove me to the clinic.It's been a good time for me to reflect on my life as well.. hard not to, when I'm facing four walls in my room daily. And to let God search my heart..

At the same time, I've seen some amazing but heart wrenching short films (some on my facebook now cuz I can't link it here)... The world needs to see more of these films... it is the truth... why are we magnifying celebrity gossip news, or news about things that people just sit back and go, "oh, that again? ah, that's stupid." But things that happens daily in the world that nobody really sees... and when we screen them on TV, people go "so sad... but they just do this to ask us to donate".




I don't know about you but these films don't just make me want to donate, but make me want to be OUT THERE, fulfilling a purpose greater than myself. Living a life more than just for myself. I'm not noble and true I can't step out this day... but film and media - that's the avenue I have at the moment... I want the world to see it. And see it, so there hearts will say, "Here I am Lord, send me." This work cannot be done alone. The body of Christ needs to unite and do it together, each fulfilling their role.

Hurray!! Victory!!!

I am very happy girl today. It's a joyous occasion. Something I've been praying for more than 4 years now has happened. God is faithful.

And other things... are making me happy and joyful as well.

2 job offers... 1 more to come? Crossroad number 2, but I'm praying for clarity.

Ps Wenan said they were all praying for me. It's so encouraging... I'm really thankful, and see God's favour.

Went for a jog this morning, and felt a strong uncomfortably plus depressive blow strike at me from the enemy. When things are going well, the enemy tries to destroy and steal. I kept praying and praying... and stood firmly and held strong unto God. To be honest, it wasn't easy but I prayed and praised God as I ran... soon the enemy left.

In the midst of many battles, both mine and my friends, I see lots of victories happening too... in two of my sheep's lives... in my leaders' lives... in my fellow sisters' and brothers' lives.. The enemy's been defeated,  death couldn't hold Jesus down. Friends, know who we stand in the Lord, and keep praying! Prayer is partnership with God to partake in Victory!! Yeah, I'm waving the flag of victory....!

And it's amazing, I randomly clicked on one of the sermons at Mavuno today. It's not a very recent sermon but out of the many sermons on the site, I just clicked this one. And it apparently talked about the MEDIA AND ENTERTAINMENT industry! How clear can God strike His vision for me when He really wants to?

Enjoy this sermon... from 37:00min onwards... you'll be so so blessed. Really.

03 Setting The Agenda (Wired For Greatness) from Mavuno Church on Vimeo.

Tonight I commission Xiao Jie to do God's work tomorrow in His safe hands. The Church needs more prayer and covering! So please pray pray and pray pray pray!! :)

Goodnight... and now let's welcome another exciting victorious week!!!

God is awesome!!!

Welcoming Winter

I'm seated on my bed cuddled in my nice warm duvet, sleeping bag, thick ski jacket and nicely cushioned with at least four pillows by my sides...

It's not really that cold, is it?

Well, I'm once again embracing the Brissy winter - in which some has decided, is not really a winter. But for a tropical island girl like me, this season is definitely winter.

So as mentioned in my earlier entry, I was having my baby back. Ok, by this I meant my laptop - my baby. It was short lived. Right now, it's on its way back to Sydney to be re-fixed again. Suffice it to say, a poor job was executed and my baby needs to undergo another operation. Sob.

Well, so I'm living on this little netbook Jasmine has kindly lent me. It's pretty hard to type, but I cannot envision myself not blogging right now. For the 1st of June usually marks winter for me - officially. Although I must say that the few weeks before today did feel a lot colder.

To date since I last wrote, which isn't very long ago, I have had two job interviews and two other 'ex-employers' keenly creating roles for me in their companies. I thank God for such favour - I mean, this is amazing. I haven't had any concrete promises yet, yet holding on to God, I will trust Him.

I know the job offer in Sydney is so so so so tempting... lucrative job offer... but is this really what God wants me to do? Please pray for me...! I really hope to get PR sponsored by an employer... but anyway, I know God is doing something to shake my world so that the breakthrough of blessings may come!!! So I'm running this good race... without turning back. I just need to focus, and keep running!!!!

The prophetic word is coming to pass... and now it's part 1, before part 2. If you know what I mean, please pray for me along those lines.... too. :)

I'm determined not to be affected by SWS this year. SWS = Shannon's Winter Syndrome. God's peace upon me. I won't be mastered by my emotions. I will rise up above them and hold on to the Tower and Refuge. :)

Good night y'all...

May stone?

No.. it's not a 'maybe will stone' title. As my blog is always filled with 'faith stones', I thought I should pop in a 'Month of May 2011 Stone'!

So... now's just a word filled update... photos will follow next month when I get my laptop back!

'...life without a basic technology...'

I haven't written in a while. A lot has happened, and I don't have a laptop right now. But these days without a laptop has definitely drawn me closer to God, and got my body rested. Goes to show how much time I spend with technology!

But yeah, my laptop is repaired and I'm getting it on Monday. But I thought, till then, I should lock in an entry for this month of May, cuz I haven't!

So... a lot has been happening! What has been?

I don't know if I will ever be able to write it all in my blog! Maybe if I listed them, I would have missed some as well...

"...man will leave his father and mother to be united to his wife...."

But of course, I must write - TWO BEAUTIFUL WEDDINGS over the past 2 months!

Congratulations Veon and Derrick!
And... congratulations Elysaa and Puay Siong!! :)

These two sisters who have positively impacted my lives in the past 4 years - I'm really thankful and also happy to see them blessed and 'married happily ever after'!

'...Scene 1, Take 1!...'

I attended an awesome film director's course. Met some great people with the same passion. Worked with the director of Giant Vision Films - Chris Hobart. Over the short 6 days of this intensive course, he definitely gained my respect, and taught me lots of great skills... not just technical skills, but how to be a good leader.

To top this section off with some icing, I was complimented for good camera skills! :)

Well... I'm excited with what God has for me in the media industry!

'...embracing the storms...'

So, life's got its ups and downs... and in the midst of lots of great things, some difficult things have happened. So, I'm losing my job - was initially verbally guaranteed continuation for another year, but due to financial budgeting, the company realised they could not keep one full-time-employee, and chose to keep 3 part time employees to increase the hands.

When one door closes, another door opens. I know a lot of my friends at work have a lot to say about the decision made. Some of them even felt angry. But for me, I know God has the best and there must be a greater purpose in these all. So, I'm praying for direction and greater things to come.

Being in my current company has been a great blessing in my life. I've learnt a lot, both technically and in my character, and also learning to work with people who are extremely different from me. It's been great and I'm sure that as we look back to these years, we would have appreciated all the opportunities given to us by our company.

My current job had been a blessing from God. So as the song goes, "You give and take away... my heart will choose to say... blessed be YOUR NAME!"

I've already got invited for an interview on Monday (pray for me!), and also my ex-supervisor is going to have a meeting to try and give me a job for 6 months. Applied for three other potential job too! Doors are opening, and I'm leaving them to God.

Hallelujah! When one God shuts, another opens! So... I'm excited for what's coming!


'...conferences 1: Oceania Convention 2011...'

Bootcamp!

Had been great! Personally, a great breakthrough for me in the area of combatting discouragement. A breakthrough for me in the media as well. Shekinah performed a great stage play, and to top it up, I was invited to be a part of the media production, where I worked with professional stunt directors. The short film was awesome, and it also spoke to me deeply! Spiritual warfare? Look to Jesus. We have the victory!

'...conferences 2: ASCC Scientific Conference 2011...'

This year I was invited to attend a conference my company organised for all Stem Cell Scientists. It was hosted at Kingscliff, NSW. It was great... and I have the privilege to create a poster for my company, and present it.

I'm happy also to be able to sit through more talks without falling asleep (except for twice!), but for the rest, I was actually interested in some of the talks! I was speaking to Set Yen about it and she said it was normal... the first years in the Science industry is sometimes difficult to know what everyone else is talking about... And for me, the most difficult part is when things get too in depth with the combination of a speaker that drones.... in a single tone!

Well, apart from that, I had fun! And was extremely blessed! You know... I was given such a beautiful room! I'll post photos next time.. but I had the sea view cuz I was on the top floor! And although some got upgraded to an apartment, they didn't get the nice view like I did!

I spent great time chilling with God... and also reading a book. :) Hee.. interesting book Maggie mammiee lent me. Cough - it actually belongs to SHIN YEE MAM!!! Haha.... yes, nice book.

'...hello - working adult synergy night...'

Alrighty, it's time to log off and go to Portside Wharf for our church's 'Working Adult Networking Night'!

It's going to be fun.