Where from and where to?

Lately there are so many thoughts in my mind. I feel like time and time again I'm back on the same spot, looking at what I lost, or being so sensitive cuz my security was placed upon humans again. Every time things become better, I feel happy for awhile. But the slightest disappointment from man, can cause me to relive every moment of hurt once again.

I live my life not conceited. I live my life for Jesus. Yet the world loves to find accusations against my intentions. I find myself at a point where I don't seek to explain anymore about the way I do things, or the reason why things happen. I love because I want to. I hurt, because I'm affected. My heart breaks, seeing the carnality of my surroundings and myself taken to a glorious state, instead of the Light of the Lord shining above all.

They say, a person who's heart is sick, tends to soon fall into sickness. Indeed, I've succumb to unknown forces of pressure that has affected me so much, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically. I'm once again down with the flu bug. :( But this time, I have to press on and battle it, because I had heaps of work to do...

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. - Proverbs 13:12

I'm praying for hope to arise more within me. Maybe I've lost hope somehow down the road through a turn of events. I have lost sight of the Giver of Hope... the faithfulness of my Giver of Hope. Though I've been broken, and wrestling, God's been so faithful and in His still small voice calls out to me, "I won't let go of you."

I love Him. I love God.

Here's my inspired song... written in this very moment.

Where did these feelings come about
Feels like I'm running the circles route
Head's up in the clouds, inside tryna' doubt
Need navigation and peace to fill me throughout
Where have I come from and where am I heading
These thoughts battle within and it's bothering
me, to find a place where I can feel secure
Knowing deep down inside that my heart needs a cure
for the hurts that's scarred the precious heart of mine
each minute I look away feels like I'm losing time
it's either I keep searching or hitting these road blocks
or seek the Healer Giver who turn the hands of clocks

I know You're calling me to draw closer to you
These events in my life ain't just a coincidence for fools
You want my heart softened so you can use me as a tool
but most of all to have me close to you so I'll be full
no longer seeking left or right or strive to start a fight
with my inner soul desires battling against the light
if I let go and let You drive the wheel of my life
I know I'll be safe, trust you and let go of the strife
to know I'm loved even when I fail to do my best
cuz Your Grace sustains me when I up against the tests
especially when trials and hardships add the load upon my neck
I will lay them down and relieve the load cuz You've got my back