I could use a punching bag right now

I want to stay on the mountain top with Jesus, to commune, be healed and filled in His Presence. Away from the world, dangers, hurts and problems, worship and erect an altar at the Transfiguration. 

But Jesus said no I can't and told me go back down. His light is still dim in the parts of the world some can't be found. I can't just sit back, cross my arms, chill and look around. Though it's great to have my heart pound when I hear His clear sweet sound.

So I'm back down in this world, at times it feels like I never left. I kinda feel what Jesus went through, maybe just a tenth of it. I can never compare my little hurts to those He went through. And in the midst of this all it's like I know I'm not perfect which makes it harder. It wasn't easy for Jesus who was perfect, spotless and without sin.

And so for me a mere human trying to live out God's ways... in my own humane strength, that's close to destruction. But I walk in His Grace and am strengthened cuz His love for me gives me confidence and courage to take each step. So here I am, imperfect, but willing to try.. learning to be a better me, learning to be a better disciple, discovering who I am, and learning who I should be.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of the deep verses in one of the songs by Jin. I highlight the lines in red that so reflect what I feel this very moment.

I see what’s going on in the world it’s so depressin’
I shouldn’t be though cause hope can help cope with the stressin’
I still can’t help but wonder how things are gonna be
I was once told to be the change I wanna see
it makes perfect sense I’m up for the challenge
now I realize how hard it is to find balance
as a person there’s no calculation
can’t recall the last time I did a self evaluation
in my mind is where I usually find that I promise
to make a change but nows the time to be brutally honest
yeah on a scale of one to ten
before I give myself a score I’d have to think again
all in all take a moment just to pause
instead of just the good I’m tryin’ to focus on my flaws
keep an eye out for any foul play like a referee
at the end of the day just tryin’ to be a better me

Giving up His life for His friends... but they ran away and disowned him. He brought the truth to them.. but they found all ways to accuse Him. He saved and fixed their problems, turning water into wine. Yet they never appreciated Him enough.. He lived up to love those who are broken hearted.. and bridge the gap between the weak and the strong, but one side would always be weary of Him and His intentions.

The widow at the well held her guard from Him.
The Martha who served Him wholeheartedly had something to say against Him when her sister was sitting by His feet.
The disciple that followed Him the whole time but betrayed Him for money.
The other disciple that claimed he would do all for Him, denied Him and pretended he never knew Jesus.
Pontius Pilate who knew He was innocent, but gave Him over to cruxification due to pressure.

Anyway, bottom line... He loved but was left all alone by those He loved. That lonely place is really hard to be in. In a place where you do certain things and people don't understand yet malign you or hurt you even more. A place where as a disciple or follower of Christ, would one consider a privilege to be in. Whatever the case, my Lord went through it. And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I'm fighting this rat race. Fighting the good vs evil. Fighting the right vs wrong. Learning to die to myself so that Christ may live through me.

A work in progress.. A journey ahead that sometimes taking another step can be painful. Jesus walked it, and finished the journey.

Will I?

Will we?

Run the race with me friends. Don't leave nobody behind... don't give up. It's hard, but we'll make it through!