A New Role

Right, this moment is going to past and the last day of April is going to make itself history. The month, or year, to be exact, has traveled so quickly and in less than 3 hours, May is going to force its way before me.

It's a nice cloudy Monday we had. No rain. No muck ups. A good day... It seemed. The weekend passed pretty quickly. I spent most of it cake baking, and sleeping. Couple of social gatherings I found myself attending, joyful but lethargic, trying to battle the cold bug.

Right now? Still battling the bug. But I believe victory is headed my way, especially after that two cups of Berocca over two days. Emotionally, much better. My emotions definitely contributed to two-tenths of my sickness. Why? I'll explain soon.

As observed from the past two undecipherable entries, I was going through a pretty emotion-filled rough time. I wrestle a lot with my thoughts and desires, trying to link and unlink what my mind thinks or my heart feels. Especially when left doesn't really seem left, or right doesn't really seem right. Or when one plus one does not really equal two. And when oil does not really separate from water. I should stop before it becomes undecipherable again.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

- Prov 13:12 (NIV)

Indeed, hope deferred makes the heart sick. Then how does the second part of this verse fit its way in? A longing fulfilled is a tree of life. This is probably why the Bible mentions for us to 'guard our hearts'.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

- Prov 4:23 (NIV)

Wise words. To guard our hearts, and put our longing and hope in what gives us life. That's only Jesus. Only.. Jesus.

"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." - John 4:14 (NIV)

There are days where the theatre of my mind replays itself the same scenarios over and over again. But there's never a real ending. There are many possibilities, but no outcome. The tightening of my heart at the replays does reveal where my treasure lies at times, and I find myself knocking on the doors of heaven, crying out for the Lord's strength, just so Jesus can heal and release me. "Jesus... Jesus... God help me please. Argh... Jesus... Jesus..."

Nothing on earth lasts forever, so my treasure should be found in Him who gives abundantly, according to what is best for us. And daily, I lift up my burdens to God so I carry them no more. It's hard hey, especially when you know life does not stop the moment you do that, and that new burdens tag along the way.

I'm still in the journey of finding a daily surrender and pledging of my security in Christ alone.

This morning I woke up, and in my usual routine with God, I gained myself a new revelation. It's daunting to realise that walking out of my bedroom each day does not seem so simple anymore. Who I am out there is the real test. Not to belittle quiet time - time with God in our private rooms itself is the engine room behind the fueling of our faith. But when I walk out of my room, the rubber hits the road, and my promises before God are put to the test... and the instructions I discovered from His Word becomes a test of my convictions.

Definitely, not as simple as it seems.

And at times, it feels like the fuel and living water that I get in the day just hits the bottom of the tank when I come home. Too much revolutions per minute... RPM!!! But at days when I just chill and let the Lord go ahead of me... it seems that I still have a lot of fuel left by the end of the day.

Sometimes it would be tempting to just a live a simple Christian lifestyle. Go to church on Sunday, faithfully attend life group, pray hard at prayer meetings... and just add on or take away responsibilities as and when I feel like it. But time and again over the past two years, I recall the umpteenth time I considered that, but find myself unable to do it, because of the convictions, passion and purposes that God has laid in my heart. So, as an imperfect individual, I still give it my best shot to obey God. Not unwillingly, but honestly, knowing my weaknesses but living in His grace. I'm always able to find a way. Not pretentiously, but transparent and being myself... living out a lifestyle for God, the way I was created.

One thing I really thank God for along the way in my walk with Him over the past four and a half years - the people who boldly spoke into my life. People who were not afraid to break me, or risk destroying friendships because they cared enough to tell me about my weaknesses. And the many times God embraced me in the times when I felt like no one understood, He held my broken heart and helped me to absorbed the hearts and intentions of those who dared to speak.

I'm about to sign off and stop writing, as much as I'd like to continue before April becomes history.

Two weeks has passed since I agreed to step up to a new role in my walk with God. A new role which I had issues embracing initially, because of what I thought I must do or who I had to be like.
But one thing the Lord reminded me, was that of being even more of a servant. And in some other ways, a daughter who steps up to embrace more responsibilities for her Father's business. It is the daily commitment to embrace responsibility, when I like or dislike it. But at the same time, as a daughter, to be a part of exciting things God our Father is doing.

Alright, bye bye April. It has been great. I made new friends, and grew deeper friendships.
God expanded my tents..
And though I'm at crossroads, I'm going to keep fighting the fight.

Out-of-the-box

Following on from my previous two "melancholic inspired" entries, I thought I either sequel it with another, or colour my page with a bit more light hearten-ness - again, if there's such a word. Not really. Let's see how the entry progresses.

So a relaxing out-of-the-box day I found myself with a couple of friends driving down the country, headed for the East. Yep, Battleship at Victoria Point. A nice lunch at "Kiss My Fish", an overcrowded movie theatre, a relaxing chillax stroll along the Victoria Point jetty, dinner and desserts at Sunnybank for toppings.

At Victoria Point Jetty - Photo credits to Chee

Beautiful clouds at the jetty - Photo credits to Chee

I had fun.

The Princess Metre decides to find it's way back on this draw board. For some words cannot be expressed simply in mere layman structures, for hope that no evidence is left in the expedition for emotional dump tipping. There's always the irony of embracing oneself in a interesting situation. The song she plays on her guitar once every now and then recaps the strategies of pride battling in contrast to the simple softness of human character. The captivating thought of acquiring a gift prematurely constantly sets the cardiovascular system into a parasympathetic nerve response. Yet the power of one's mind can tame the irrational manifest of these synaptic responses. Yes - the power that comes from high above to transform and purify hearts, through the renewal of the mind.

Anyway, I should stop and head to bed. And probably reduce my input of highly undecipherable writing. But it's pretty fun, word play and writing creatively.

Once again.
Signing off... good night world.

The Oxidation Potential

I found myself creating another riddle Facebook status.

"The oxidation potential in the atmosphere totally ignited the fermentation process. Hardly she finds herself in such a state, let's suffice to say the princess almost tipped, and the oxidised solvent did hit almost its max - a phenomenal degree of its breaking point.
She understands where she's at, and it's probably beyond her capacities. So now it's time to retract and reduce. Peace out to what's important. Let's say, 1 John 2:17 sings music to her ears."

Call it riddle you might. Find out like a worm in my gut. Try hard. If you'd really try, my clues are - 1) what oxidises when fermented, and 2) the detrimental effect from product of oxidation.

The first dust-formed men on earth had a good life but they chose to give it up. Really, just for the sake of one forbidden fruit in the whole garden. So the earth was ours to work, and pain was ours to bear. Totally not worth it. Appreciatively, knowing and walking in the Creator's redemptive plan have found myself much relief and freedom.

In this age, mankind are tasked with too many responsibilities. Life was meant to be good but such fallen times have taxed heavily upon the shoulders of many. And surely that was why Jesus told us to give Him our burdens. For the load this world gives, severely impends upon one's survival fuel tank.

I find my melancholic self surfacing in times like these. A part of me that allows myself to recuperate through this gift God has given me. The ability to "melancholise" - surely, there's no such word but I'm making it history now. At least a Princess Shannon history.

The tightness of one's heart could easily impede one's life and without a proper outlet, one can find themselves easily in depression or worser circumstances. Blogging to me is a great outlet. Yet in this era of probing social media and stalking syndromes of fellow web users overcast with boredom, one's personal life could erect a virtual discussion thread that might result in deadlier outcomes. Now, that's the hypothesis formed from being extremely passive and careful.

To personalise these data, the melancholised produce conveys an artistic impression of my thoughts, that I find it hard to communicate with words. It divulges the essence of my current emotions and evokes in the atmosphere a degree of lamentation and complaint. To date, communication for me has been difficult and no few words could easily explain the web of feelings that entangles within my heart, or mind. A worm in my gut would be the best way to describe a soul mate. A person who would understand another without much communication, or one who would go the extra mile to listen because the connection was worth.

If I maintained your attention to this paragraph, you maybe made it in deciphering a chunk of the data presented. But the gist and core of this entry might selectively remain a mystery till uncovered. Now, if that makes sense.

Maybe, at the end of it all, this entry served no real purpose. But then maybe, it did. A hint of release and lightening to the writer.

Till then.

A Melancholic Inspired Entry

It is pink. It was pink. It should remain pink. Dimetapp - the awesome drowsy formula for Sinus Pain + Allergy. Each tablet containing 500MG Paracetamol, 5MG Phenylephrine Hydrochloride and 2MG Chlorpheniramine Maleate. And if I'm not wrong, I am seeking the effects of the latter. So, down my oesophagus it will find its way, very soon, I will be in lala land, not really playing chess with Mr Zhou, maybe more of swimming in the ocean... of blue cells.

Wait, am I making sense at all?

A little more to go. I am realising it right now. If I have only one tablet of Dimetapp, then the rules of self-medication in my below-par scientist brain says if you pop another 500MG of Paracetamol and 30MG of pseudoephedrine HCL, it might improve it's effect. Should I trust my brain knowledge? Or... maybe let's see what Wikipedia says.

Phenylephrine - a vasopressor (increases blood pressure). A substitute for pseudoephredrine HCL. Half life is 2.5-3 hours, which means it will run off in the next 3 hours, last me till 1am if I eat it now.

Pesudophredrine HCL, hm... increasingly being pushed off market due to some regulations. Why does Panadol Cold Relief have 30MGs of that though..? So, can I mix the tabs?

I guess I haven't derived at a conclusion, and probably won't. Each minute that passes away makes my flu-stricken brain work slower.

For the sake of lala land and it's anti-histamine properties, I've decided the winner bidder would be Dimetapp. Kudos to Chloropheniramine maleate.

Pop! It's on the slide down the gullet now.

The real entry?

Ok... this entry was pretty redundant and purposeless. Talk about leading a purposeful life. I had one of these days where my nose just wouldn't stop functioning like a leaky tap, and my olfactory nerves won't stop activating the endless array of sneezes.
 
But I made it through, succeeding in two completed PCR runs, a coffee catch up with colleagues, a birthday cake celebration with ex-colleagues, an early off from work to allow my immune system to take over while I napped on my evening sun-ray filled bed, and a lethargic effort in baking my well-known pandan chiffon cake for a birthday tomorrow.

All in all, I think I fared pretty well today.

In this melancholic inspired blog entry, I find myself writing a new song again.

So, I will end with my final poetic heart song riddle and hit the snooze button after.

In surrender she lays it aside

She had a fulfilling weekend with the Prince

I mean He was never slow in reminding her

But she could choose to nod physically but deny within

He saw beyond the curtains

He penetrated her thoughts

He offered goodness and a light yoke

She was sinking and drifting further

She reached out to His hand

Grab it and shouted for help

He pulled her hard, but she had to let go of the heaviness 

So she did... man it wasn't easy

Though she let go, she kept looking back

Thankful that the Prince was merciful 

and she didn't turn into a pillar of salt for looking back

Then it was a season of the unknown

Pretty scary, but He was all she could look to

She knew she laid beside quiet waters
Like a tree planted beside streams of living water

And He was near, always watching over her.

So it's not now again, when will it be?

She wishes it would just become clearer

Unless the Lord builds the house

The builder builds in vain

More than the watchmen wait for the morning

She will wait... for Him.