An Insight into a Patient's Heart

Was led to some thinking lately, probably with a certain ulcer that grew at the back on my right jaw muscle that refrained me from moving my jaw. That was a period of 4 days. Those four days I experienced difficulty eating, talking and sleeping.

To make things worse, the second day of such a fix (I would classify) was boosted with another growth of ulcer on the left underside of my fore lips. Brilliant, a disabled back jaw muscle on the right and a supplement to go with, with an ulcer on the front – the left.

Eating was horrible; I practically had to stuff food into my mouth, for I couldn’t control my mouth. Food tasted meaningless to me, other than to fill my grumbling gastric. Eat mouthful was stinging pain, and could get choking when things don’t fit into my buccal cavity. Sorry for the scientific terms, I meant mouth.

In the midst of my grumbles, a thought fell upon me. I was glad I could still grumble, and type my frustration to friends online. There was a minute population on earth that do not have that luxury. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind a couple of ulcers, as long as they could type or grumble.

Stroke patients.

It dawned upon my mind their inability to voice their concerns, their emotions… and that’s probably why we don’t even understand why they cry. I’ve never closely known a stroke patient, and don’t really know how they feel. This little uncomfortable event I’ve experienced the past few days have led me into such an insight that I stopped complaining about my little ‘discomfort’. I can’t help but just grieve at the fact that these individuals may have to suffer in such a closed up world, for maybe the last few years of their lives… I would say that is misery.

Beyond this realisation, I began to put myself in their shoes… all that I was grumbling about became part of what they could possibly be thinking all the time. Being fed all meals a day, having food shoved into their mouths, yet still drooling and having scraps of food fallen all over their face and shirts at that age, it’s a helpless feeling. During my short period of ‘misery’, I faced the same challenges – trying to shove food in and having them fall all over, spending double the time eating, as I usually required.

I began to use these events as a way that God was leading me to the hearts of stroke/disable patients, that brought me back to an event last Christmas with my Live Group – Bring-a-smile.



That day bringing a smile to many elderly people in the nursing home with a cheerful Gospel play was our purpose. After the play, we headed around to bless them with gifts, cards and biscuits.

They were blessed and happy, but there were some residents who seemed pretty unresponsive. I would say I didn’t have much courage to approach them, and the only time I grabbed the courage, the resident didn’t respond, but look me in the eye. I stood back there, and looked him back in the eye too, of course with a smile. A little more courage, I asked a question, “Merry Christmas. Did you enjoy the show?”

There was no response, but he looked me in the eye.

I stood there a little while longer, and I was lost for words, and could only just stand there, and look at my other friends who were speaking so happily to others. I took a step back, smiled and pointed to the resident there was elsewhere I was heading to. And I walked off.

It was hard, especially when I didn’t know him, or the things he was going through, whether he understood me or liked the show.

But now I hope I know, and understand how he was feeling. It returned to me, the scene, and I believe he was blessed by the performance, and the gifts. But he couldn’t respond to us. Maybe looking me in the eye was the only thing he could do. But I didn’t know.

I wish I was given more education on how to handle such situations. But I believe it’s not too late to learn. And I really thank God for what seemed to be an insight into the heart of another individual who may be slightly different from me. Yet we all have emotions, it’s the expression that could be different.

Was checking out a website and saw a comment written by someone:

Since my loved one’s stroke, we can no longer talk together. How will we ever learn to communicate with the new disabilities my loved one has?

It can be done, I believe. Especially when it’s your loved one. I believe they feel your heart each time you spend time with them, communicating (though it may be one sided), but they feel it. And the constant assurance and encouragement (and of course PRAYER) will be greatly appreciated by them.

Just a thought… you can teach them to pray with you! (In their heart).
I haven’t truly experienced this myself, and I may be making it sound pretty simple. But… I believe God will reveal more to me in future when He wills.

And this day I can apply the word contextualise further. Further than what I thought it meant. Will we learn to contextualise to the disabled patients this day?

May I truly remember these 4 days of my life… that I may be able to feel the hearts of disabled patients in future.

Coffee with Jesus

Just want to share a wonderful time I experienced during today's worship service, as God led me into close communion with Him. For awhile in my life, I have forgotten that God desires every part of our lives, our good and bad times, and he too, desires to talk with us like a friend.

In the theatre of my mind, God revealed to me once again His tangible presence...

Two cups of coffee (latte and cappucino), in a nice little cafe, just Him and me.

Him: What problems do you have? I'm always here.
Me: I have this problem... my past hurt.... I can't seem to get rid of it... it keeps coming back.
Him: Give it to me. I'll take it from you.
Me: Here Jesus, please take it away...
Him: It's here, in my hands.
Me: *touched without words but tears*

Him: That's not all is it... what other problems do you have? I can sense your heavy heart.
Me: Lord... my present problem... I need to get this accomplished..
Him: Hand it over, I will take it from you.
Me: Here it is Jesus, but....
Him: Trust me.
(And I handed them over too...)

Him: Your burdens have not been emptied yet...
Me: I'm worried about my future... I know certain things are going to happen, and is uncertain about other things... Some things are coming... but some things you've asked me to wait.. I'm afraid. I know you have them all in your hands, but I can't help but worry.
Him: That's because you haven't handed them over. You got to hand it to me.
Me: I will hand them to you.. this day, I will.
Him: I have taken them.
(I felt refreshed.... as I felt His love shower upon me, concerned about my every thing.)

Then the worship service was about to end... I felt Him stand up, putting my troubles in his sack... as His tangible presence was about to fade off.

At the door of the cafe before he exited, I found myself calling out to him:
"Jesus!! Wait... I forgot to tell you to take away my illness.."

He turned back and smiled, "My girl, it's already in my sack, I have taken them."
And he walked out of the cafe.
In the real world, I adjust myself and felt... my illness was almost gone... (it was just there a moment ago... yet it was taken away as he exited the cafe.)

---- ---- ----

And when I thought God took away my problems... God revealed further as I penned down the series of events...

First... God took my PAST in his hands.... and then my PRESENT... and my FUTURE.....
And the part which touched my heart even more... was that He already knew what I needed and wanted... that even when I didn't ask... He already took them away for me...

Immediately Jesus had showered upon me His healing power without me knowing..

"My girl, it's already in my sack, I have taken them."

Thank you Lord... This day I pen this down, that I may remember your goodness and realness in my life.

Umbrella (Christ Mix)

My second Coffey entry this day! I have no choice but to share this awesome video with all y'all Hip Hop / RnB lovers out there... with the tinge of an accoustic feel... like me!
This guy is amazing and doing that with the guitar!
And guess what, he made this UMBRELLA song into such an AWESOME SONG!

It's a must watch for all, even if you don't like umbrella, you'd be cheered up to your 150%! This guy is flowing with God's cheerfulness! (LOL~) afterall, God created happy days too right!

C'mon watch this!



Love the rap.... he's an anointed guy in this ministry.

Open The Eyes of My Heart

Here's another cool video from Coffey that cheers me up. If you're new to my blog, check out my first entry in my blog, there's a first video I posted from Coffey. That's my favourite!
I wished more musicians could use their talents for God's work!!

Open The Eyes of My Heart



Let God open the eyes of our hearts, that we may see ways to save more souls.
We are SUPPOSED TO WIN SOULS for the LORD!!!

"... and he who wins souls is wise."
-- Proverbs 11:30

The Need To Testify!

Today has been an awesome day. In this context, I would place the word "awesome" in the miraculous events that God has placed in my path this day. What more can I say but GOD IS SO REAL, especially when you desperately hunger and thirst for Him in your life. God sees our hearts, and all He wants is a heart that longs for Him.

In this day where I dwell upon circumstances in my life, God has led me to the following verses.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
-- Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

"This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." -- Isaiah 66:2b (NIV)

Yes Lord, in your word you have said that we should rejoice in suffering (Romans 5:3), which produces perserverence, character and hope. And Lord, this day you have expounded to me that beyond all these, through suffering one learns to humble ourselves unto your mighty hands, a sacrifice of obedience, humility and repentence. Such a heart you do not despise, such a heart you esteem and value.

It is through times like this that God has brought me closer to Him. Even during today's evax, God brought forth a divine appointment (previous entry) that not only blessed him, but us who went for evax. And even what he said made sense, "How can man only remember God in times of problems but forget him in times of happiness?"
That was a question I remember asking Puay Siong when I first attended seekers class in Judah 5.

It seems that sometimes we may take for granted God's Grace and forget His goodness and blessings in our lives. So many times we may sway from our original motives when He pour forth blessings into our lives. Let us keep our hearts checked frequently to prevent taking God for granted! Amen?

Well, I just want to bring this entry to another significant continuation of this day, where I left you from my previous entry. It was amazing to see how God truly planned this day of mine.

After shepherding with Elysaa, I walked at a really slow pace, just to enjoy the cool breeze that autumn was bringing forth. From Brisbane street to my place was a 10 min brisk walk, and 15-20 min stroll. Along the way, I was talking to God and God placed in my heart a desire to share the Gospel, as He led me to a series devotions I have been reading the past few nights. Are we set apart for the Gospel? Or are we too focused upon our own personal whiteness?

"...separated unto the gospel of God"
-- Romans 1:1 (KJV)

Paul did not say he separated himself, but, "when it pleased God who separated me..." Paul had not a hypersensitive interest in his own character. As long as our eyes are upon our own personal whiteness we shall never get near the reality of Redemption. Workers break down because their desire is for their own whiteness, and not for God."
-- My Utmost For His Highest, Oswald Chambers

For Christ didn’t send me to baptize, but to preach the Good News—and not with clever speech, for fear that the cross of Christ would lose its power.
-- 1 Corinthians 1:17 (NLT)

Yet when I preach the gosel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel. If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rights in preaching it.
-- 1 Corinthians 9:16-17 (NIV)

We still have to change and grow to be more and more Christlike and to be holy, for God has commanded us to be a holy people. Yet, this day, do we grab the heartbeat of Jesus and the reason Jesus died for us? To bring His people, those who believe in Him, back into a relationship with the Father once again. And who will bring this good news to the people who have yet to know him? Jesus has commanded us to take upon this Great Commission and preach the Gospel!

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."
-- Mark 16:15 (NIV)

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you..."
-- Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV)

C'mon people! Do you know you are chosen to do God's work? Even angels are not permitted to preach the Gospel. Do you know that angels look with great desire into the mystery of our salvation?

It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.
-- 1 Peter 1:12 (NIV)

So even as God spoke these to me the past few days, I didn't know where He was leading me to. Then came this burning desire to evax today, which brought upon this refreshing blessed feeling that I haven't felt in awhile. God can use EVAX to bless us too, I must repeat! Especially when you truly seek Him and His ways for you!

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
-- Matthew 5:6 (NIV)

Yes, this day I've experienced what it truly means to be filled by God's blessings. Not material blessings, but spiritual blessings and fulfillment in a certain room in the heart that can be filled only by God.

So here I'll share the events that happened after shepherding. I write this not to boast but to encourage, and also to record the goodness of God in my life.

With all that God has spoken to me the past few days, I just felt I didn't want to head home. It was only 9pm, too early to head back into my lovely dome. I had to do more of God's work. As I strolled home, I asked God, "God can you bring someone to me or help me meet someone that I may have the chance to share the gospel?"

And I kept on walking, as slowly as possible. As I was about to reach Chais, I felt as though nothing had happened... so my prayer continued, "God, you can't just let me go home as such this day! It'll be so meaningless!"

So amazingly God led this lady to me who approached me for directions to the city. Apparently 412 was the only bus there and she missed the bus, and the next available bus was 1 hour later. I stood there for a moment with her, helping her sort out possible means that she could take to the city, and she then insisted she was fine, and would call her friend. I felt weird leaving her there alone at such an hour at night, but she insisted she was fine so I walked on.

But as I walked ahead, there was this churning within my heart as God brought me back to my prayer earlier. Oh yes! I had to turn back, and so I did. Let's say, if she really had to wait for her bus for 1 hour, that hour can be used to share the gospel to her! So I turned back and began to walk in her direction once again. She then crossed the road opposite the bus stop, and I was like, "God? What is this?"

But I believed in taking the step out in faith, and so I crossed the road after her and asked her if she was really alright. And she said she might take the 412 coming from the other side back to uni. So she boarded the bus, and amazingly James (aka John How) alighted from that very same bus. So we talked about the divine appointment this afternoon and as I headed my way home, I didn't know why God leaded me to that girl when he wanted to send her off to UQ.

But even then, I didn't have any wish to return back home to my lovely dome. I asked God once more, silently in my heart, for another person I could share the gospel to. Once again, amazingly, God put Patrick right before my eyes. No doubt that was Patrick from J1. He was carrying heaps of stuff and was struggling. At the end, I ended up helping him carrying half his stuff back to his house!

After helping him, I felt pretty happy and kind of understood why God made me walk back to that girl. Say.. if I never walked back to that girl, I wouldn't have met James, and we wouldn't have talked and walked slowly... in time to meet Patrick... and help our brother in Christ!

And so with that bit of joy, I returned home. And thinking that was the end of my 'journey' for this day, I was greeted by my housemate, Alex, in the kitchen. The next thing I knew, we began to talk a little, about cooking and stuff. And I sat there for awhile and suddenly, God just once again prompted me to share and testify.

That moment was so real. God just gave me boldness and courage to share. And I told Alex everything that happened from the moment I left Elysaa's house, and how I prayed to God to let me do something before I come home! And I shared with Alex the two people I met, and truly how real God is! And of course, I added the tinge of humour into the way I described it, and Alex was intrigued by it too!

As I returned to my room, I found myself dancing in the presence of God. God is so real, so awesome in this place. If you truly seek Him and His ways with all your heart, and with sincerity, God will reveal to you His plans. God listens to our prayers! And if you ask Him of something with the right intention (e.g. share the gospel), He would be more than glad to listen to you and grant you your wish. God loves us, His children.

Which father would deny his child who comes to him sincerely to help out in his father's business?

And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?”
-- Luke 2:49 (NKJV)

Is your heart burning with excitement for your Father's business this day?
God bless you this day.

Set Apart To Harvest

For a moment amidst my empty lab, I felt the dawn of His Presence as He brought revelation unto me. I closed my eyes to enjoy His presence as He spoke to me and I felt His love encompassed me, bringing my mind back to this afternoon. I can't resist, but share His love and sovereignty.

A simple growling stomach, a hunger for food. A persistent sister who insisted I get some food.
A thought of evangelism in a lunch setting. A divine appointment.

Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
~Psalm 139:16~

It's amazing isn't it, how God is sovereign and always in control. We need not force nor shun or plan ahead. Planning ahead of God will just make you go in circles, for if God wants something to happen, it WILL happen.

Was glad that during today's Evax, Veon and I both got to share the gospel with this guy that God has placed in our paths. Always pray for divine appointments! This guy apparently has been approached by Grace and James last week, and our approaching him actually stirred him to question if God was actually speaking into his life! He even told us that a large part of his life, he has got friends whom became Christians and have been sharing with him too, but he has not totally understood and comprehend the gospel. But after speaking to Grace and James, and a further affirmation from Veon and I this day, he said he would really try to identify himself with the Gospel. He was so open to the Gospel (as we once shared again) and even commented that he cannot leave Brisbane without coming to our Church or life groups.

This guy reminds me so much of myself when I was a non-believer, critically thinking and testing everything I heard. I pray that God will continue to speak into his life and lead him to salvation. Keep praying for him brothers and sisters, for he has a hungry spirit (observed from our conversations) and this hunger only God can fill.

So keep praying for the harvest!

36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." -- Matthew 9:36-38

This verse always motivate me to understand God's heart, and His heart for His people. Brothers and sisters, are you motivated this day?

The Girl in the Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare. As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped-over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello." The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi," after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because I'm different." I immediately said, "That you are!" and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent." She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?"

"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all those people walking by." She nodded her head yes, and smiled. With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am. I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done."

I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?" She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You are the only one that could see me," and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you.

How is your daily walk with God this day? Have you been too caught up with yourself and your achievements that you have forgotten to take a look at the people around you?

People don't care what you know, until you have shown that you care. Sometimes in life, pause, breathe and look around, and you may just realise the urgent need for your attention somewhere.

"A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho , when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead.
"A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side.
"But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’
"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”
Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

-- Luke 10:30-37

Amen... shall we cloth ourselves once again with LOVE and be a blessing to those around us?

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: "Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." -- Mark 12:30-31

A Cool Great MTV

A bonus for those who understands Chinese...
It touches my heart...

Hope y'all love it...

Yes... all things are in God's hands... and he cares about us in every single aspect of our lives... Especially Love!

Asking "Why?"

It's amazing how God spoke to me through prayer meeting today.

As the word of God came out from one of people who went out... I can't remember who it was... Mentioning a vision... seeing someone whom looks blurish.... and asking the question, "why?".

For a moment, that brought me back to my recent MSN nick: Why?

The word of God was brought to me... have I been looking to the left or to the right for direction? Have I been looking to created things instead of the creator? Have I been clinging on to His blessings, or clinging on to Him?

Lately my prayer have been to know how to love God more. How to truly love God... I'm thankful God is guiding me, and I can see in my path. It's like going back to basics with God, and I believe many believers have to always go through this to check their hearts... do they? I'm not sure, for I'm a pretty new believer.

After Oceania Convention, I was gonna go back to basics with God. And today, God was leading me to another door, I feel. This lesson is an exciting lesson from God. Though it may break my heart totally but if God will truly help me love Him more, and help me grow in faith, it is all worth it.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause.

Being obedient to God's guiding have saved me heaps of suffering. That day I made a prayer to God to take away my tears, to comfort me. And in the next minute, I received a task to do, a task I knew God wanted me to do, but my heart didn't.

That moment, I asked God, "Are you sure God... You want me to do this. You know all my tears will flow out even more..."

And God said, "Obey me."

Obey You God? I thought for a moment.

"I will do what you said God. For it is always better to be in your ways than mine."

So I went ahead and did what I was instructed to. The moment the task was accomplished, I was comforted by God immediately. Instead of tears rolling down, I felt a sense of relieve, as though God had taken away a burden from me. That made me realise the importance of obeying God. There's all I think I can do for God. But what does God truly seek from me? Isn't it just a heart of obedience?

But Samuel replied: "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams." -- 1 Samuel 15:22 (NIV)

So many times we know all these scriptures, and we know it's meaning. Yet we do not fully comprehend the essence till God teaches it to us personally. Yet each time we learn a lesson, we may lose it in our memory bank, till God reteaches us the lesson.

But the Grace of God is upon us for what Jesus did for us, and God, being merciful and gracious chooses to forgive us time after time when we repent. What more can we ask for, but to be in God's hands always?

".... Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men." -- 2 Samuel 24:14 (NIV)

In His hands and way we may seem aliens. Like Pastor Lance mentioned. Yet, we are no longer people who lead a mundane life, because we have been given our new lives from God. We are a new creation. Will you choose this day, to be a pleaser of worldly methods or an alien to the world - a child of God?

"Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry for help; be not deaf to my weeping. For I dwell with you as an alien, a stranger, as all my fathers were." -- Psalm 39:12 (NIV)

This day, I've learnt once again, that to obey is better than sacrifice. And although things may not be the way we want it, God knows what it best for us. He will never fail us, for He knows us more than we know ourselves. In His hands may we find refuge eternally.

Amen.

In Need of Comfort

The emptiness and depression sinks in as I found myself grasping hold upon something that the Lord has decided to take away. It's been years since I felt like that, but Lord you've returned this feeling. It is something good, for God has taught me to treasure and appreciate... and also to not take things and people for granted. Lord, thank you for the lesson... But now I really need your comfort... for my tears have run dry, yet my soul cries out for you...

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God. How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, Iam still with you.

-- Psalm 139:1-18 --

Yes Lord, you are the only one who understands how I feel Lord.

In these days where my soul groans and cries... Lord, you are my comfort. No words can explain how sad I am, but Lord please make things better for me.

It hurts... it really hurts.

Tears have fallen so much, yet the hurt doesn't ease... Lord, take this feeling away please.

Lord your name
Is higher than the heavens
Lord your name
Is higher than all created things
Higher than hopes
Higher than dreams

...

Yes Lord, your name is higher than all other things... all created things. Help me even grow in this faith O Lord... Take the pain away..

Lord you taught me what love is....
This day O Lord, take all you want for your kingdom.

Between you and me, many promises, just you and me.

Comfort me this day, O Holy Spirit.

The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, To all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them. (Ps 145.18-19)

Yes Lord, hear my cry...

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6)

May your plans and will be done... Break my heart for what breaks yours.

This day no man can understand or know what I am going through but you Lord. But in this suffering I rejoice, for you are taking me to somewhere new and closer to you. In this suffering you are moulding me... through this you are shaping me. Deep in my heart beyond the pain, is the yearning for your works in my life, the heartbeat to know your heart and the desire to love you more.

Lord, take me somewhere with you. For in your will I wanna be, for in your hands I will choose to be. This day, comfort me once again Lord...

Writing this clarifies the thoughts in my mind.... I hope it speaks to any of my readers too.
May you always look to the Lord for comfort, and place your eyes upon Him at all times. For the Lord our God is our provider and our comforter in all times.
Does not He who created the earth give you the solutions to all your problems?
Does not He who allowed suffering in your situation help you if you seek Him?

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "The Lord be exalted!" Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay. - Psalm 40:16-17

Yes Lord God, do not delay... comfort me and light up my path...

But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. - Deut 4:12

Thank you Jesus.

Praying hard for many things... and many people.

The NEXT Chapter of My Life

I have to study for CDS exam tomorrow! Argh... Doctrines A. So I'll come with a short entry... cuz I really have this urge to write before my inspiration runs off.

Today we had the Shekinah Cast Party to commemorate the OC sucessful performance and have an evaluation, and also to have a great gathering!

We had a time where we came together to share how this performance changed our lives and affected our walk with God, and I just wanna share mine once again, to remember God's glory and goodness in my life.

I signed up for the OC performance thinking that God didn't want me to do it. For such upfront ministry might lead to pride and wrong heart attitudes. On the first day of the rehearsal, I actually lost my way and got on the wrong bus, and was late for the rehearsal. Along the journey, I began to think that God didn't want me to join this performance. I thought God was thinking, "If I let her join it, her pride will grow and she will walk away from me."

That moment, I felt myself wrestling with God. I was telling God, "God... I really want to show you my commitment. I really hope to do this... yes, I know my heart attitude may be wrong, but Lord, use this to teach me and help me grow closer to you once again."

After my first rehearsal, I actually made new friends and even people who lived in St Lucia who offered to send me home and organised car pools for rehearsals. That day I actually asked Patrick, "Why do you want to join this ministry?"

He said, "I like dancing and in the Bible shows people who loves God so much that they dance for God. I also want to dance for God."

At that moment, I told God, "Yes Lord. We all know that perfect answer. But Lord, it can be done. And Lord, so please, during the next few weeks of rehearsals to the date of performance, may you help me develop this love for you. This true desire to dance for You and Your Glory."

I just wanna summarise and praise the Lord for answering my prayer. For God has changed my heart attitude through and through, and truly taught me humility, humbling me for His Glory. I believe that sometimes God may put us in situations which we know ourselves that our heart condition is wrong. And at those times, we may think that God doesn't want us to do certain things.

It's hard to fathom how God works sometimes. But what other way to teach a man to overcome problems, than to put him in a situation?

Firstly, God helped me identify my situation and heart condition.
Next, God places a situation in our lives, a problem to overcome. Had I withdrawn from the performance God would not have taught me this valuable lesson. What other way to overcome pride, but to put me in such a situation?
Then God had this party for us, where we all brought revelations and edified one another.

So Lord, this day you have affirmed me. Giving up this ministry was only running away. Lord, I'm not going to give up on this ministry that you have placed me in, a place where I will grow closer to you through the things you will bring me to, and through the gifts you have given me.

God intended for us to be overcomers! Amen!

God taught me this lesson this time. And that doesn't mean I should be complacent to forget this lesson, but to work on it and remember it always, to allow God to bring me to greater heights for His Glory!

--

On a side note, this day was different too. I can feel God opening another chapter in my life this day as I stepped out. And even as I am typing this entry, I can remember such a vision in my dream before. It's a feeling of excitement of the new things God is going to bring into my life. And a tinge of sadness of the old times I am still holding on to.

Hearing "How Great Is Our God" on my way home just brought back sweet memories... and I wonder how different live group is going to feel when we next sing this song. I pray God will comfort every single one of us even this day and the days ahead, helping us remember His greater purposes He has in place in every single persons' lives.

This day the Lord has constantly reminded me and brought to me this verse:

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12

The Best Da Ge I've Had In My Life

The tears didn't come until we prayed. Didn't know if it was the Holy Spirit that touched our hearts, or was it the way PS prayed... or was it just us?
I guess it was a combination of everything.

We all knew that it was for God's kingdom and His will and His plan. And we fully understand and comprehend that. In fact, I am really happy for this beloved big brother to move on, for remaining here could affect his spiritual growth if he was not in God's will.

I asked God to take away the tears. I'm really tired now. Hungry, yet unwanting to eat.
Am I fasting? No... but I'm reminded by how people in the Old Testament of the Bible fasted and refused to eat when things don't go their way. I'm not following them, but I just feel this way..?

I'm really thankful to God once again for the awesome empowerment and inspiration to come up with Da Ge's farewell skit. Once again, I want to give all this credit to God for I have been running low on inspiration lately, especially with all the events and surprises to plan... and having to plan this week's Live Group's game, I was once again put in this difficult situation of considering playing A E I O U or Murderer... or to go ahead and do the Bible Mime Story Game. I didn't not prepare. Matter of fact, I was already planning this when I got the roster. But it was so hard to think of a game where I could control the crowd properly... and to keep everyone intrigued and moving. So I resulted with this A E I O U, the 4 pens and 1 Bible game.

Nice game to end off Da Ge's last Judah 5 live group.

I thought I'd write this entry, not because I'm holding on or indulging in this sadness, but to leave it here, in God's hands. (Of course I'm not saying this is God's hands.) But I do believe that as I write and put out my thoughts, I would not look back and say, "Did I think about this carefully?"

And hopefully, this entry could be an encouragment to many ones who face the same situation.

So today was Da Ge's farewell. It was meant to be happy... with the skit where I mimiced him and such. But until the point where we were praying.. I just felt my tears rolling down and down. I was thinking, "Why am I crying so much? It's not like I won't see him again. Stop crying.."

But the more I thought of it, the more I thought of those days where he guided us together, from non-believers to what we are now. From the day we touched-down in Brisbane, to this day, he has given many things to serve the Lord as he unconditionally love His people - even unbelievers like we were.

Thanks to hours of mountain top preaching experiences he has brought us to Christ.
Thanks to hours over months of helping us, bringing us around Brisbane, to almost every cool place he could even imagine...
Indooroopilly the first day we came... to Gold Coast Southport School where Nai ma chased the ducks around... 3 Monkeys cafe... Mt Cootha... Singapura... Ironside Chinese Restaurant... Freestyle... Southbank for fireworks... Vietnamese @ West End... Blue Lotus... Sunnybank... Cybercity... Walking from Eagle's Pier across the Story Bridge.. across Kangaroo point (and then the snake incident.. lol).. then back to southbank... to Pancake manors... then back to Eagle Pier's where Xiao Bai was parked....
Too many places... too many ocassions.. for us whom grew to calling him Da Ge, the best big brother we could ever find on earth.

I really wanna say how much this Da Ge impacted my life. From someone who has a heart as hardened as mine.. I just closed myself up from everything. Thinking back I really can see myself enclosed in a shell, and brushing aside all good motives from others as they wanted to gain something out of it. I had something to say against everything, if I wanted to.

I knew back than this guy was different, as he even showed unconditional love to people whom he didn't even know. His actions slowly opened me up, but I was still pretty hardened. I think only after 1 year of our friendship had I began to open up and soften a little. I believe it was all part of God's plan. For once I realised I could be myself, in front of many ones.. during Captains ball, during the SG national day party where I danced like mad.. for the first time, showing a tinge of my true essence. I thought that day he would have thought, "Why this girl so crazy one?"
But instead, that week I found myself heading to caregroup and he introduced me to the friends there as, "This girl can yo yo hip hop dance one you know!"
Time after time, day after day, I found myself being more and more like myself and feeling happy to be able to be accepted as who I am. I could sing crazily like I wanted to, I could dance madly like I liked to. At the end of the day... this Da Ge isn't as 'serious' as I thought... Well, a year spent misunderstanding him, only to realised I was clouded by my own set of shaded glasses.

But anyway, I began to dislike the preaching side of him.. but his persistance led me to Christ. And he was the fourth person to know of my salvation. First, Elysaa, then Atieno, then Eliza and then Da Ge... and then the whole of Judah 5. Haha.. Words can't explain how much I want to thank this brother, but I believe God has used him greatly.

My whole life, I've yearned for a big brother.... when I didn't have one, I resulted to finding 'fake idols from the media' as one. But when I found salvation, I realised God had also given me a true big brother in Christ. This big brother I can always call Da Ge. This big brother who will forever be a big brother in my life. Yes, as he has told me weeks ago, do not trust in man, and one day he may also fail me.
But this day, and the days before, the Lord has taught me not to look at the failings or one mistake of man, but to look at the numerous goodness one has done. And this day, as my tears fell, I asked myself, "Why is it that I'm crying?"

The answer is:

I am not crying because I'm being negative. Yes, I am sad he is leaving. But I'm crying as I recall all that he has done for us and in my life, how big a difference my life would have been if he wasn't in my life. How I could still be out there wondering around as a Buddhist devote, or maybe even ordained as a nun in some temple already.
I'm crying because of the love and impact he has made in my life, and the awesome memories that we will always have. And one more thing... girls are more emotional lah!

Yes... I really thank God for him, and thank God for even leading him to Ipswich. The thought of God using our beloved Da Ge to bless many more for His kingdom is amazing. And even as God has taken Da Ge away from us in the live group, he will still be at church. And I believe God is telling Yvonne and I that we are ready now. Sometimes God has to take certain people from us, to see if we are really doing a certain thing for the right purpose, and checking our heart conditions.

And even after a few months, I believe Ipswich isn't that far away from Brisbane! Hahaha... and let us all believe in God and have faith that God will work for the good of those who love Him!

So yes.. just want to say THANK YOU DA GE, for EVERYTHING.
Hope you love the skit we played.
Your mei meis know you so well horrrrr?
(Yeah.. you may not see this post at all... but it's alright.)

So even as you move on, I pray you will continue to seek God for strength and empowerment. Life ahead isn't going to be easy! But God is always with you!! When you are tired, seek God okay? (I'm sure you know this better than I do... hehehe..)
And at times like that we have to go back to the Bible!
What does the Bible say?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
- Matthew 11:28

Hee... Da Ge, all the best, wherever God takes you. You have an exciting journey ahead!!!!!
Oh ya.. remember to invite me for your wedding with DA SAO!!! HOHOHOHOHOHO!
remember my signature laughter ok?

hohoho...

Da Ge and the 2 mei meis... same spectacles and same smile. Haha..

Da Ge and us at Green Tea House @ Runcorn... Thank you! Can we go there with Da Sao someday?

Da Ge blessing my heart with that brownie @ 12midnight on my birthday! To this date, I still don' t know where he got the brownie from at that hour!

Da Ge and Yvonne with that Vietnamese stall uncle's child who kept spitting saliva.. taken when we first came to Breezy Brissy.

Inmeasurable amounts of thanks to our greatest Da Ge ever. Love you lots.

It may take awhile for the 3 girls to stop crying. But we are not crying because we are negative.. but because of the life changing impact you have placed in our lives.
We will always remember it and carry it in our hearts.