Early this year
The year began quite abruptly for me. I never really sat down to think and lay down the steps that I wanted to take. I pretty much dashed into 2010 with a fire I didn't really know or understood. I still remember my shepherd, Elysaa, asking me to list and write down my New Year resolutions. So I listed down a few that came off the top of my list - reviving my media production skills, and improving my guitar skills. I can't really remember what else I wrote, cuz clearly, I was so 'interested' that I lost the paper I wrote, and had to re-write a second draft. Haha...
But God had His plans. I knew I had to go into 2010 with something in my hand. Thank God for blogs! I wrote down a whole entry at the beginning of 2010, called, "Hey 2010, Let's Freestyle". Looking at that entry right now, I laugh at who I was before, and who I am now... and I also appreciate the Holy Spirit's work in my life, back then, and now.
Right then, I knew little about what 2010 had. But I had the inclining that it was going to be great, and fun! So there you go, I dashed right in, with that God given fire and passion.... and history began it's making... :)
Came the first Breakthrough
It didn't have to wait till middle of May when I penned down one of the highlights of my walk. Prior to this entry, there were already many little things that God was doing in my life. I won't list all of them down tonight, else, I'd be writing a whole year out..!
The entry, "Going Gear 5 With God", sparked one of God's major faithfulness in my life. Last year, I gave my screenwriting dream to God and stopped writing the story that I've written for years. In return, God showed me His faithfulness and opened up the first door of the media industry to me. I never really thought I'd head into the industry in this direction. Awestruck, God's river of blessing continued to push me through 2010.
October 2010 - I turned 24
Turning 24 meant a lot to me. I began to look beyond myself and for the first time in my life, I engaged the opportunity to be a blessing on my birthday. And in returned, God blessed me even more. I wrote an entry called, "Faithstones", kind of like what I'm doing right now! Some of you might remember the little fundraiser I had for my birthday.
It took a simple step of faith and a little bit more to break past the fears of doing this, but God's been awesome. Because of that, a total of AUD$811 was raised for Compassion Australia! I was extremely touched by everyone's contribution to this drive and am so much more convinced of how I can be a blessing to others. God's blessed me that I'm well clothed and fed, as compared to many ones who aren't. And if you asked if I would do it again if given another chance to choose how I celebrated my 24th birthday, I'd probably do the same thing.
And something I didn't really want to share initially, but thinking about it now, why do we keep the good things hidden? So on my birthday, I've taken a step of faith to sponsor a child with Compassion. It's been something me in my heart for a few years now, but this year, I felt so strongly God saying that it's the right time. So.... He took me through the process of choosing the child, and ask me personally how, but I'm now a 'spiritual mum'! It feels so good... and I know I'm blessed by the child as well.
2010 Facebook Statuses
Facebook was great and so allowed me to do this 'summary of 2010 statuses'. I'm posting it up, because it's awesome, this whole 2010 Journey!
Friends
My covenant sister: Atieno
I take this opportunity to thank Atieno, a dear friend of mine. This faith-filled woman is now back in Kenya, by God's Grace, enjoying both Christmas and the New Year with her dearest ones.
We had many great conversations the whole of this year. Sharing our God given aspirations, inspirations, as well as our deepest struggles. God used our relationship with one another to stir even deeper passions for His purposes, and it is always amazing when we get together and speak the same message that God had been speaking to us over a period of time.
The crazy things we do together.... And the blessings God's given us together, we both know.
My dearest sister and covenant friend... Kenya is not too far, and the world can be small in some ways. We have dreams, and a God who is bigger than our dreams. We'll meet again... like we did again... and will so again. As God open our eyes, He'll give us the Grace to embrace these things..!
To the left, to the right - which we do we go? Yeah... wherever we go, let's remain in the Vine! :)
My chat till daylight sister: Siau Ying
This dear friend of mine, Siau Ying, is another gem in my life. Yes, we have 'romantic' moments. Hahaha... I'm so glad to have met her about a year ago, and now that she's back in KL, and going to Singapore next year, I look back and find that our friendship began last year, but really developed deeper this year, despite the physical distance we had.
I'm going to miss her company here in Brisbane, and the times we chat till late at night and not be tired, but instead, refreshed. The nights we hang out at my place... and the nights in my car outside her place. And those Cha Tea sessions... lalala... the list is short, but the conversations are exponential.
Well, you're going to be a GREAT DOCTOR, and Singapore will treat you well. Haha... through Grace, Mercy and Hope, you're going to do Singapore even better..! You go girl, and like I said, the world... isn't too big for us, cuz we got GOD!
My truth-be-spoken housemate: Wen Huey
I wouldn't be who I am this day if not for my wonderful housemate, Wen Huey. To be real, we have the most direct and honest conversations anyone might think of, and she's not slow to point out character flaws and strengths of mine.
But we've been through so much and I ought to thank God for her being in my life. Through our conversations and endless emails, I've come to know who I am and who I can be in God. And the times we cook for each other (her cooking for me more than me for her, I bake more), we've managed to fill in the gaps for one another's lives.
Making pizzas on my birthday
Through her, I've learnt as well, how to be there for friends. And her integrity and effort to go all out for her friends needs to be praised. I guess I'll never forget how she 'saved my life' when she sped to the airport, during morning peak hour traffic, a couple of weeks ago when I left my passport at home. The times we spent at Cha Time, Green Tea House, Dao Huey and just spending time over noodles and tea, ah... too many.
So, my little message for you is, thanks for being my friend. Though sometimes we are on different pages and opinions, I'm glad that we can still be friends and honest with one another. Learn to be better to yourself! It's great to go all out for friends, but sometimes, certain things are really not your responsibility. Protect yourself, your heart, emotions and physic, and don't over compromise your principles! And... whatever 2011 holds for you, embrace it as it comes along... God is good, and He will be with you. And my prayer still, is that you come to know Jesus as a friend and His love for you.
Cheers to our 2010 and 2011!
And the many more friends
Like to thank my life group members... and also my ex-life group members... who've all been so great and precious in my life. I don't want to list names, lest I forget names. But, you know who you are... and you being in my life and speaking into my life... and letting me speak into your life... or just your crazy company and brotherly/sisterly friendship in my life... you're all precious.
The deeper lessons
This year has been a year where God has broken me emotionally. I walked into the year wanting to learn how to love and serve more. And because I made that prayer, God let me be broken.
God helped me understand Love on a deeper level, by first breaking that outer shell of mine. God helped me face my greatest enemy, myself. And God showed me who He wanted me to be.
To be someone who is real and sincere. Someone who have no pretense. God broke me as a vessel, to reveal the treasure within. He taught me to understand His love for me. He helped me experience His Grace for me. I realise I could no longer make 'promises' to God, because in my weakness I am unable to fulfill them. But where God took me lifted me out of Christianity as a religion.
I used to hold it beside my lips that 'Christianity is a relationship with God, not a religion'. But I held that statement religiously. God didn't need me to make promises about how I was going to live my life. But through this whole year, Grace was what He gave me.
Looking back, my achievements, dreams and breakthroughs this year are encircled by an endless depth of His Grace and Love for me. Many times, I questioned and asked, "Why did God choose me, such a sinner?"
The only answer I could find was His Grace.
Everytime I hurt and suffered, He reminded me of His work at the cross for me. Each time I wanted to give up, He didn't reprimand me, but instead held me in His arms and encouraged me. The times I sinned and blamed myself, He spoke His gentle still voice in my life, reminding me of His Grace, and because He didn't condemn me at all, it broke and touched me so much to understand His love for me. Each time I cried, He collected my tears and carried them, and comforted me.
His love for me made me flee from sin.
His love for me made me cry and pray when I see others in sin.
His love for me helped me come out of that hole when I thought I was meddling too much into His affairs.
His love for me helped me forgive my weaknesses and find hope.
His love for me brought tears to my eyes... why did you choose me?
His love for me lifted me up... and when I was up there, I knew then, it was not by my own strength, but He was the one lifting me up. I wasn't standing, but was on my knees.
Pride had always been my greatest enemy. But God took me down to humility, and taught me what it meant to be humble. Pride arose from my past hurts. And because of that, I tried finding acceptance in the eyes of man. But God took it away, by first revealing to me the hurt I had hidden beneath the covers. My whole life, I've been looking up to man for inspiration, acceptance and courage. But this year, God rescued me once again, and imprinted courage in my life, helping me face my fears, through His word, and many ones around me. And I believe there is a deeper work that still needs to be done in my life... but God will be with me through those thick and thin.
So many things I didn't know, and I thought I knew it all back then. I was such a fool, when I thought I was wise. But this day, my wisdom will not come from myself nor man. Wisdom will come from God, and all I got to do is stop striving, and let God keep speaking to me... as a friend, the way He painted this relationship for me.
2010 indeed, has been a year of breaking but these breaking brought breakthrough. I would never have thought who I was 365 days ago, is I'd be right now. And all these I will boast in the Lord's work in my life.
Really soon, 2011 is coming. I've been writing for about 2 hours now... so it's only 2 hours to 2011. And in about 10 months and 20 days, I'll turn 25 - a quarter of a century.
Right now, I sense 2011 will be another year of breakthrough. But one that requires faith to step forth into. There will be challenges that I've never had... But God's is equipping me with His full armour, and one of the weapons that I have, the shield of faith, He'll train me to use it.
This year, I learnt a lot about Grace, Hope, Mercy and Love.... and I know next year, there is still so much more on that to learn. But on top of that, God will begin to teach me lessons on Faith. God lessons are so special as well! God is a great teacher, and the way He teaches, sometimes can be quite intimidating, but it's fulfilling and exciting. So.... I've signed up for another year! Haha...
God, my Shi Fu! Disciple Xuan is here!
In thanksgiving, I stand in Awe of You. :)
