What goes from here?

I haven’t been writing for a while… Been going through a season of breaking my in life so I don’t know if I will be able to come up with some inspiring entries… but I believe people do go through ups and down.. and today because the Lord has placed in my heart to write this entry, I will so do – even if it’s about me and the problems I am facing now.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
– Ecc 3:1

I guess for many students, apart from deciding what to study or major in next, what activities to participate in... our lives are pretty well decided by the wonderful education systems every country has provided. At least for most of us, we have a sure path of where we're heading for the first 18 to 20 years of our lives. But what goes from there?

Since I was reaching the end of my academic highway middle this year, I have been pondering about what I was going to do with my life. I realized that over the many years since I was born, I have gained many skills as an individual. Skills to teach, to lead, to perform, to think, to research, to write… and as many more as you can name it.

There’s been so much that I know, I could probably classify myself as an all-rounder. Not exactly one, but probably a close to be.

But then my heart aches and pains each time I look back at my life, and question, why I haven’t perfected any of my gifting or talents. Is it that there’s a problem with me? Or what the world calls 3 seconds passion towards anything?

This day I stand as a fresh research assistant working in a molecular biology research institute. And here I am again, looking at the next step in my life. Should I continue to work there for a stable income and career, continue with a PhD..? Or.......... take a brave step into the world of arts?

My longtime dream has always been to step into the career of performing arts. But because of the society I was brought up in, this dream seemed like a star too far to catch. Being in Brisbane really changes things… but now looking at things, especially after my very recent performance in the church anniversary, this heart desire has been growing deeper and deeper.

I’m not professionally trained, but I want to be trained. I’m not a great performer, but I aspire to be one. I have heaps of ideas in the theatre of my mind, but no life theatre to air or test them out. I feel like a frog in the well, thinking of the possibilities of this ‘world’ out there, but am too far from it. Some things I have to do while I’m still young. I want to do something well for once in my life. Where is the next step in my life?

Follow the crowd, or follow my passion? Or do I follow the author of my life story, my Lord? Of course the answer is simple – to follow God. For He ultimately has the right plan for my life. But easier said than done. To 'do something well for once in my life', is that really doing it for myself for for God?

It’s a coming journey of faith and trust… and of nurturing..... and maybe even surrendering what I hold dear most.

It’s a heart and spirit battle within me. A time where I’m totally broken, at the edge of choosing either my agenda or God’s.

The Lord has reminded me this day that He has the right plan for my life. And to see the fruits of my work will require time. He has knocked on my mind, reminding me of the promise He has placed in my heart from the beginning of the year.

“perseverance, character; and character, hope”
– Romans 5:4

Pray for me, my friends.